Offense is the best defense, how many times have we heard this phrase and maybe even experienced it first hand by either being the offenders or the defenders? Things keep coming around; one day you are on this side and the next day you are on the other; it is not even humanly possible to stick around one side indefinitely!

Having to be in this vicious cycle of offense and defense makes me wonder about the causes and reasons behind these behaviors or attitudes. Some people get deeply indulged in one of these sides that it becomes a constant attitude or maybe a nature, which makes it harder to those around them to be always on their toes.

Those who choose to be always defending themselves and their actions are a real pain. You have to always be careful around them because anything that happens, magically becomes their fault, they start saying they are sorry, they try to make things better when in most cases they can’t, they feel so bad that whatever happened and try to justify the whole situation.

When you are dealing with a person who is always on the offense side; nothing ever seems to be satisfying to them, they always find something to complain about and more funny is how they always manage to make any situation personal, even if you are talking about the weather; they would think that you are sending them a message. What makes this really irritating; is that they don’t think before they act, they just lock and load, march and fire!

I believe that the normal human behavior is to be sometimes here and sometimes there, depending on the situation while maintaining a neutral attitude in between. What are way abnormal are the two cases where one is completely biased towards one side all the time.

It is obvious that those who are always on the defense suffer from low self-esteem and have many insecurities inside their minds. On the other hand; those on the offense side may seem to be strong willed and level headed, but truth is; they suffer from the same insecurities and low self-esteem as the first kind; they only react differently.

There was one time when I was watching Oprah Show, and she was talking about how we tend to judge others easily. Simple things that we say indicate that we are suffering from some insecurities and are pointing them out in others; like when we say (just mentioning a few for the sake of giving an example):

-          What an awful driver he is

-          Look at the way she is dressed

-          That is not the right way to raise a child

-          You always give ridiculous excuses

-          How dare you say that in front of everyone

Many of these statements indicate that the person has some issues and suffering from weaknesses that they are trying to hide by emphasizing their authority or alleged superiority. The problem with this kind is that if you take a reaction to anything they say or do, the cycle of offense will keep growing because they never admit they are wrong or even apologize for what they say or do. In their mindset; they have the right to say what said and do what they did, and they even justify bad manners and inexcusable actions by resorting to authority and fake status they designed for themselves. Needless to say; I feel sorry for such individuals!

Some of us deserve to be saluted for their ability to deal with their own fears and insecurities. Communication is a true art and once and for all; we have to understand how to respond and not react. Relationships are hard enough and if you can’t handle the pressure induced by them, you will end up losing your friends and those who love you will have a very hard time dealing with you. Always remember to listen with empathy, respond not react, respect is earned, trust is earned, put yourself in the others’ shoes before you start insulting them and most of all; remember that insulting people will not make them feel better about you; you are just one individual and certainly not the center of the universe, so not necessarily that everything said or done is about you; get over yourself and most importantly; get over your fears!!

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