I have been thinking about posting this for some time now and was more determined to do so after the great feedback I received on the “To date or not to date” post last month. Many of the comments stated that it is wrong to open the community to an imported concept like dating for all the bad consequences it will have on our clean society, and that it will only drag more problems, etc.

Assuming that we do not have a dating phenomenon in the Arab World, the above argument might be somewhat valid. However; people have been dating for decades now and it hasn’t stopped and my guess that it will not stop at all. Starting from dating the girl next door to our colleague at university or work; point is: dating is an ongoing part of our culture whether we liked it or not.

It might not be as open as western countries as people in the Middle East are doing it more discreetly and needless to say; without parents’ knowledge.

I have to admit that the methods used to meet new people are creative. So as an individual; male or female; you are not stuck to your small environment and you can go beyond that with the whole world as your destination.

It first started with placing personal ads in magazines. These are done anonymously where you put a small profile about yourself and are given an ID number for reference. These services are monitored and managed by personnel hired for this specific reason, so the role of this person is “khatba” or matchmaker and they make sure that the information given by the member is true so that they can provide credible service; you can view samples of these services in any of the famous Arab magazines and yes, this method is still widely used.

With more sophisticated individuals who happen to be internet savvy and have access to the web; the process has been simplified and made a lot easier for them and they can now manage it for themselves. The model started with big portals adopting the personal ads as one of the free services provided for the members worldwide. With advertising phrases like: find friends in your own area, more people signed up and placed profiles to get connected with other people who shared their interests so that they have something to talk about when breaking the ice.

With introduction of chatting and instant messaging; the process became even easier and you could meet more people by a click of a button. AOL, ICQ, MSN, Yahoo and others; they all provide the service of searching for people and getting in touch with them. People started meeting online is group chat rooms, and then moved to private ones to have personal talks.

Some have become chat experts where they don’t provide real information about themselves; at least until they make sure of the other party and decide whether they want to take it further or stop it immediately. Those who have a lot of free time on their hands can waste it in internet cafés meeting new people online.

Eventually; this method is being abused all the time and people use it only to make fun of others or hunt desperate-for-attention individuals, blackmail them emotionally and drain their energy through false relations.

Despite disadvantages; the model continued to evolve and grow and more services began to emerge to the service where these services are designed specifically for serious people who want to settle down and marry but don’t seem to find the right person, so the matchmaker has an electronic version now and through delicate sensitive search engines, it can find you several matches to explore and choose from and maybe end up with them in a successful family.

These models started with date.com, eharmony.com, dreamdates.com and many others. Since these services have an international reach, the need rose for a localized or more customized service for our communities in the Middle East and we started seeing them come to life. Only naming a few; bentelhalal.com, qiran.com, e-zawaj, naseeb.com.

Even some of the networking sites have become a cover for the same activity; online dating. From these: hi5, lovehappens.com, bingbox.com, sms.ac and many others.

Can people really meet online and fall in love? Can internet solve the problem of many individuals who do not find their matches in the regular ways? Is this model successful?

Since the medium used (internet) gives a complete anonymity for the user; how can you make sure that the information you are getting is credible and truthful? How can you ascertain that you are not being played by some psycho who has decided to make fun of you and use your feelings as a toy? Do only losers go for this method? Can we generalize and say that if they were not losers they would have met their matches without using internet as a medium? Or there might be some good people out there?

Some people still abuse these channels and use them to hunt for flings because they are bored with their own spouses. They create fake attractive profiles to get to people seriously looking for good company and/or long term relationships. They use all the tricks in the book to get to these people and are prepared to lie their hearts out for the sake of getting whatever they are after.

It cannot be denied that these methods are used; otherwise we wouldn’t find so many successful business models like the ones mentioned above. The question is: how do we deal with them? And as a person living in a community who condemns normal dating procedures, would you go for online dating? Would you marry someone you met online?

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