Blogging has opened a whole new world for us to say what is on our minds freely; it has given us an opportunity to voice out opinions that we did not before and it allowed us to communicate with people across the globe, isn’t technology great??

It is a good thing to be able to debate and maybe change one’s convictions about some of the beliefs he/she has and blogs about; this only happens when the debate takes place among mature individuals who stick to the main topic and discuss it in pure objectivity might their point get through and prevail.

Unfortunately; what is happening is quite the opposite, when someone writes about any topic, you find some of the commenters leaving the main issue and attacking the writer and trying to make him/her look bad and that he/she has issues that forced them to be like that. This can be true in some cases but it does not apply to all cases.

People reading some of my previous posts accused me of generalizing, of being bitter because I am overweight, angry because I am still single, unhappy because I am visually unappealing and that’s why I attacked men in my post. Some of the comments that were not approved said that I need a man and that I need to have kids and that I was a bad example for women in Jordan; all that because I voiced out my opinion and said that SOME men are jerks.

If you go to someone’s house and use their own space to sit and eat and do whatever a guest does, do you stand in the face of your host and start calling them names? Do you attack them because they do not agree with you or if they state out their opinion in general? What makes blogs any different? This is my space and I am entitled to say whatever I want on it, and I am not hiding myself; it does not give anyone the right to come to my space and attack me personally while hiding behind a fake identity and an unknown IP; things do not and should not be like that.

You don’t like what I am saying; that is your right and I cannot deny that or take it away from you, but discuss rationally, show me your point without insulting me or trying to make me look bad on my own blog, you do not have the right to do that!!

Some of the readers were kind enough to answer the bashers and try to explain to them that things don’t work this way, for that, I thank them and appreciate what they did and tried to do.

I never generalized, show me where in particular did I say that ALL men or Arab men are not worthy? You have read that in the comments and not in the post. This episode started when Qwaider accused us (Arab Women), or girls of today as he puts it, of wanting soft boys to marry and forgot about the real oriental man; I was simply giving him examples of reasons why the “Arab Oriental” adjective was not that appealing to some of us. Reasons that can apply to a large sector of Arab men in our society and I never said ALL, do you hear that? I never said ALL, yet; I was accused of generalizing.

The two stories I added later were also examples of my real life to support what I said earlier , and like you have many positive stories from your own experience, I still have tens of stories like the ones I mentioned.

Many of you forgot the main issue and attacked me getting too personal and saying things that have no truth to them; to those I say: your comments will not be published as long as they are disrespectful, if you don’t like that, don’t visit my blog, don’t read what I say and most importantly; do not leave a comment unless you are prepared to take responsibility for it; be accountable and say who you are, then you will be more than welcome to give your opinion. Speaking of your opinion; if it did not contain value to add to the topic at hand; it will not be published either; this is my blog and I call the shots here.

Back to GOOD OLD ARAB GUYS out there; some of you are jerks just like all the men in the world, and some of you are great people, however; we all know that bad things always are more apparent than good things. I did not mean to offend all of you; I just wanted to point out to Qwaider and everyone else who commented on his blog and mine that men share responsibility and blame for the dysfunctional relationships and marriages that we have in our society today; that’s all and I hope you get the point now, end of story … turn the page please!!!

Everyone was wondering why I had my views about SOME Arab men; I was even accused of not having a single successful relationship in my life and that’s why I was so bitter and hated Arab men; I was accused of being a psycho and that I am generalizing while I stated all over the post that what I said did not apply to everyone but I guess people read and take only what they want and start reacting accordingly.

One commenter said that since I have a weight problem and reaching my mid-thirties while still single are valid reasons to hate Arab men and that if I was not overweight and visually appealing, I would have had a successful relationship and I wouldn’t have been so angry, but hey; he does not blame me for feeling bitter, gosh; that was so kind of him/her.

So, does this mean that all what Arab men think about is how their future wives looked? Doesn’t that prove my point that Arab men (some of them) do not know how to pick their wives and use the very wrong standards to doing so? Doesn’t that prove that these guys are clueless and selfish? But this is only my humble opinion and no one has to agree with me.

I want to share a couple of stories with you; they are very real and happened to people in my surroundings.

First story:

This girl got married traditionally at the age of 18; since her husband was not rich or anything, she ended up living with his family. They had a house that resembles old Syrian houses in their structure, where they share an open space in the middle and rooms are all around. They had this huge iron door to their bedroom.

Every morning; this guy would wake up very early to go to his work; he worked in the vegetables market and had to rush out very early to get his goods for the day and go around to sell it using his car. So far, so good.

The problem is that this guy locks the door on his wife before he leaves; she cannot leave her room even if she tried and she did not have a separate key. She has to wait for him till he comes in the evening and opens the door for her so that she can get out and breathe some fresh air. Forget about all the possibilities of something bad happening like the house catching fire or the wife needing help or something.

The story gets better as the wife was pregnant with her first child. That day; the guy did his daily routine and locked the door, left his wife at home (9 months pregnant) and unfortunately that day; he forgot his mobile phone at home, and we wonder where these authors get their stories from!!

Anyway; during the day, the wife goes into labor and she has no one around, she is home alone, she does not have a phone, no way to contact her husband and an iron door as heavy Gail bars. She started calling out to her mother in law, any one; she had to call out to people from the window to ask them to call any one from the house to help her. She was suddenly surrounded by people, some where trying to break down the heavy iron door but it was too strong they decided to call a blacksmith to try to do something. On the other end at the window; they called a doctor to walk the girl through delivering her own baby on her own, and yes, this really happened.

The doctor kept giving her instructions on what to do and how to get the baby out, and this poor young locked up wife had to deliver her first baby on her own and live through the window for the whole world to witness. No body was able to open the door; she delivered her baby, and they all waited for the husband to come back to unlock the Gail and have his wife and newborn kid taken to the hospital to be attended to!! What a wonderful Arab man!!

I will let you judge for yourself; you might say that this guy is not educated or whatever; but read the second story:

Second story:

This one is about a teacher; she was married to this nice educated and highly sophisticated guy (or that’s what she thought). They had 3 kids, 2 girls and a boy. They built their own house and worked together to make it a good home. This almost sounds like a great story of a successful family.

After they finished paying for their house; she and her husband discussed the possibility of having another kid before it is too late for them to try. He was totally against it saying that he does not want more kids; the girls will be married in the future and they will have their son live with them in their big house; he did not need new responsibilities. She reluctantly agreed because she knows that soon she will not be able to have kids even if she wanted to, but if that’s what her husband wants then why ask for trouble?

One day, he comes to her and suggests that they build another storey and make a new flat, she argues that they do not have the money for that and that they do not need another flat; he said that this is like an investment; they build the new flat and move in it, and put the old one for rent, this will pay for the money they have to borrow to build the new flat and it will be a good option for their son in the future. She was worried about where to get the money from; he suggested that she asks one of her brothers to give her some guarantees in the bank to get a loan; her salary would be installments to pay back the loan until the old flat is rented.

She does that and does not disappoint her husband; and they build the house. When it was finally ready and she was preparing to move to the new flat; she gets the shock of her life, her dear husband has married another wife and brought her to live in the new flat. When he was asked why he got married; he answered that his wife can no longer have children and he still want some more; Allah has given him the right to marry another wife for this purpose so he has a clean conscious and is convinced that he did the right thing! Another wonderful Arab man from my surroundings!!

I will not add another word here and you be the judge; these two stories and true and happened exactly as I heard them.

P.S. I have turned on comments moderation because there are some people out there who do not differentiate between me allowing them to speak out on my space and insulting me personally which is unacceptable, so forgive me my devoted readers for doing this but I am sure you understand!

Women’s right to equal citizenship is guaranteed by the majority of Arab constitutions, as well as by international law. Yet across the Middle East and North Africa (MENA) region and the Gulf, women are denied their right to nationality - a crucial component of citizenship.

In almost every country in the MENA and Gulf regions, women who marry men of other nationalities cannot confer their original nationality to their husbands or children. Only fathers, not mothers, can confer their nationality to their children.

The Women’s Learning Partnership joins with partners in the Middle East, North Africa and the Gulf to call for:
1. Legal reform enabling women to confer their nationality to their husbands and children without condition
2. Full implementation of reformed nationality laws and equal access to these laws for all women
3. Recognition of women as equal citizens in all areas of life

Read the Citizenship Campaign blog here

Sign the petition here

Isn’t this a cute kid???
Just listen to what he wants to do for his wife … very funny indeed

Hope you enjoyed it

I really don’t know what I would do if this was me

That was really bad …

In the course of our lives, we meet a lot of people and we share different sorts and shapes of relationships with them; we get so attached to some of them and others are just casual passers who do not leave much; almost insignificant to think of or even remember at some points.

We go by in this life and as we meet people; we lose people and suddenly they disappear from our horizon, either by our choice, or theirs or even fate’s hand had something to do with that; regardless; the result is still the same; you lose contact and you feel that this person is no longer a part of your life and that you will never ever be in touch with them again.

All of a sudden and without you being prepared; the same person you lost some time ago; pops up in your life again when you least expect it. You think you will not be affected because you are over that phase of your life already; but surprise surprise!! Not only you are affected, but all the previous feelings and connections are back, and without you even realizing what is going on, you are reconnecting!

In this past period; three of these long lost individuals have popped up in my life again; I wonder why they all came at the same time, was it a coincidence? Is it fate? Is there a reason behind this or it is just another mysterious thing that happens in life and we should not analyze it much? I have no idea!

One of these guys remembered what I wore and how I looked and what I said almost four years ago. I could not remember the whole encounter and this made me feel bad, but he remembered all the tiny little details all the way to the things I said and how I wore my hair!! Isn’t that strange?

All I can say is that it is really good to reconnect with people you cared about at one point in time; it is good to see how they are doing and it feels great to know that they still remember you and think about you; friends are not that easy to find so I am grateful that I am getting another chance to show them that I, too, have always cared about them and never forgot them ever …

Beware: Long angry post ahead!
To my friends from male bloggers and readers; this really had to be said; I do not mean to offend any of you and if the following paragraphs (if you were patient to read them) were offending in any way; I apologize.

Men are complaining that we (Arab Women) are seeking their shadows and staying away from their originality and good traits that we do not see any more. They say that we are chasing the westerner wannabe and forgetting about all the beautiful things that an oriental man has; they also say that we want someone from an oriental background but who will provide us with a free western lifestyle that would make us feel civilized; therefore; they (men) are being treated unfairly and we (women) do not know what is good for us.

This post by my dear friend Qwaider has gotten me to think about this issue; and I would really like to explore this a bit more with all of you. Why do you think oriental women are considering the oriental traits a man has to be negative and old fashioned? Why are they looking for something different and trying to create a formula that combines the oriental base with the modern mentality?

I agree that the REAL oriental man makes a perfect husband and father; he is brave, loving, warm, sensitive, responsible and caring, but is this the model that we have and see repeating itself generation after generation? Why do you think the image has become so negative? Is it because we (women) have changed or maybe they (men) are the one who did??

I would like to share some of my perspectives on oriental men; why they are perceived in a negative way and why some women may consider their originality to be a disadvantage?
These views come from encounters with real life models and personalities; they do not fit everyone but they are certainly more common than I would like to accept or believe.

1- Arab men do not know how to pick their wives: Despite all their high education and exposure to the world at large; the majority still goes to mommy to pick their wives for them. A lot of these guys spend long years abroad to study and work, they have all sorts of relationships with lady friends from all nationalities and when they are finally ready to settle down; they come home and marry the 21 year old cousin who they don’t even know or share anything in common. He comes home so anxious to settle down and after spending many years abroad; he cannot wait another year to find a suitable partner; he is not getting any younger and nature call says he has to have kids NOW! Sometimes they might find someone who is suitable for their age and personality but the old Arab guy mentality kicks is; why isn’t she married till now? There must be something wrong with her!! Why doesn’t he assume that there must be something wrong with men who pursued her?

2- Arab men do not know how to communicate with us: just because we are Arab women does not mean that we are still living in the previous century, we expect to be treated with respect to our minds and souls, we expect to be treated as humans, we expect to be treated as partners, we expect our lives to interact to find the common area that we will thrive in, we certainly do not appreciate to be considered as a piece of LEGO that fits the puzzle of your life and we expect you to compromise like we do.

3- Arab men do not know how to share: they want the married life with its stability and advantages and they still want their single life with its wildness and freedom. They want to have wives to do everything for them, clean, cook, have children, raise those children, work in and outside the house, share the financial responsibility and leave him alone when he wants to go out every night of the week and say absolutely nothing when he comes back after midnight and receive him with hugs and kisses because he is the man of the house.

4- Arab men do not know how to love: flowers are a waste of money, they are too old or too conservative to go out with their wives, saying “I love you” is for teenagers, marrying you is more than enough of a proof that he loves you, controlling your every move and your wardrobe means that he is “3’ayour w dammoh 7ami” and that he loves you, watching TV when he is in the house and not spending his time talking to you does not mean that he is neglecting you, if you love him, you wouldn’t give him an interrogation about where he was or where did he have lunch; you should trust him.

5- Arab men do not know how to make love: no comment!! … Sorry!!

6- Arab men do not know how to respect their wives: walking in the street and having her run behind you is not respect; this is humiliation and degrading of her status in your life. Not asking her before you invite your friends over for lunch on her weekend is not respect, expecting her to do everything you say without discussing or saying a word is not respect and do not get me started on polygamy …

7- Arab men think they own their wives: a marriage contract is not an ownership one, you do not get to boss her around and not expect her to say anything, you must not expect her to live without a personality and see the world through your eyes, you do not expect her to obey you when you do not give her the time of the day. If the marriage contract is an ownership; then you both own each other!!

8- Arab men drown in double standards: they say something and do another, they give themselves the right to do things they forbid their wives to do; they have lady friends and sometimes even girlfriends and she is supposed to respect them enough not to communicate with other men even if at work, they complain all the time about their “nekadieyeh wife” and they don’t even look at the reasons why she is being this way. They live a full life before marriage and have sex with lots of women but when it comes to their own woman; she has to pristine with a chaste past.

9- Arab men are violent: they shout, they scream, they justify their actions in a twisted explanation of God’s words, they practice domestic violence against their wives and kids and no one is allowed to say anything.

10- Arab men have an EGO and ATTITUDE problems: they have the “I am the MAN” syndrome, they are afraid of successful women, they don’t want to marry working women and if they are working; they should quit after marriage because a woman’s place is at home with her kids unless they need her salary to help them financially.

These are the kinds of Arab Oriental Men we see around, this is the kind of men we see in our homes dealing with us as fathers, brothers and husbands. A woman does not own herself in the Arab world; first she is owned by her father, then her brother shares the ownership until they pass it to a husband; the husband owns her till he dies or leaves her and then she is owned by her sons.

You say that we are running away from Oriental Men?? I really wonder why!!!

I posted a couple of weeks ago about how to love your kids right. I posted it as feedback on the great article in VIVA Magazine by Wendy Merdian titled “Loving them Right”.

While a lot of researchers and activists are looking to find more ways to create successful communication between parents and their kids; we find a lot of cases where parents abuse their kids and treat them in the worst ways imaginable, and the result is that more broken individuals are injected into the community and the effect never stops snow-balling.

These individuals will carry years and years of pain and humiliation, and once they become parents themselves; they will not be able to love their own children because they simply don’t know how, and the cycle keeps going.

There is a big difference between punishment and domestic violence; between disciplining your children and abusing them. Think before you do or say anything, and always remember this message in the following ad.

Stop violence against children NOW!

Do you know the feeling when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?? You feel like there is something wrong from the beginning of the day, but since my bed has only one side; why is it always wrong??

I woke up this morning with the urge to stay in bed and not go out at all, but what to do? I have a job and need to keep it, but am I really doing my job a good thing by coming to the office while I am dreaming of my sweet bed? Is that fair? Would my boss understand if I told him that I really don’t feel like doing anything today? Guess not!!

It is really funny how we get these days every once in a while, is it moodiness or weather or maybe just that time of the month, I really have no idea. All I know is that I am not myself today or at least this morning.

Did I mention that I really hate it when someone wakes me up? I do!

We live next to one of the schools in my area, and I think I should walk to them and just tell the teacher who is barking in the microphone that he really has to take it down a bit, not only he has one of the ugliest voices and approaches ever, but he curses and calls boys names while he is ordering them to stand in line.

When is the ministry of education going to realize that this so called morning lineup (6aboor Al Saba7) is not going to teach kids discipline; rather it will teach them slavery and resentment to authority? What is the benefit of standing for half an hour in the heat and cold, listening to teachers screaming and cursing as if it is the kids’ fault that these guys hate their jobs??

When will ministry of education realize that by applying this system, they are planting fear and not earning respect? They end up with more rebellious kids than they can count, and they get so creative in inventing punishment methods that goes with the mistake size. I remember that one of my guy relatives once told me, that their school principle has a special drawer for sticks that rank from the thin to the thick; the bigger the mistake the thinner the stick gets and the more painful it becomes.

Treating people like animals will not make them better humans; it will turn them into worse animals!!!

I remember our sweet teachers at school going around between the long lines of girls standing in the playground, waiting for the mercy of the person in charge to allow them to go inside. I just remembered another thing; why did we have to extend our arms in front of us and rest our hands on the shoulders of the girl standing in front of us?? They called this “masafeh” or distance; why did we have to do that? What if I cannot stand someone putting their hands on my shoulders? And why the heck did we have to sing every day at the top of our lungs?? Wasn’t it enough that we were in for a long day of incompetent teachers attempting to do their jobs right and sucking at it??

So it is one of these days; traffic killed me this morning; and I know that this topic has been exhausted with discussion so I am not going to talk about the cab driver who almost took my car as an accessory attached to his as he passed by me; or that truck that has a load of small stones, did not bother to properly cover them and was driving at 100 km/hr causing a storm of little white rocks that could easily break your windshield, or that bus that has the “Slow Down, School Bus” sign on its back window but he is so recklessly driving that he could have killed me and another 20 something souls riding with him.

So I reach the office to find it exactly like I left it yesterday; the waste basket is full and the glass of water and cup of coffee are still there on my desk; don’t they clean around here? This building is so big; I don’t even know where the kitchen is or I would have done it myself.

The internet connection is not that good either; I think I will switch to another ISP; maybe Wanadoo???

So, it is one of those days; I am blogging when I am supposed to be working; but I thought that venting would help me focus; hopefully …

Something to look forward to, I am going out with my friends in the evening … this is good and needed … can’t wait to see you girls!!!