In this VIVA issue, Wendy Merdian has an inspiring piece about how to love your children right. One may argue that everybody love their children which is completely true, however; this is not the question that Wendy is asking; she is asking if we are loving them right.

I read the article and lived in each word; with each explanation of love languages and expressions, I was taking a trip back in memory to figure out what my love language was and was I loved right.

She explains that there are different ways to show our affection towards our children or anyone for that matter, but the emphasis here was about one’s kids and how to deliver the love message to them in a way they would understand and appreciate. The way she explains how a heart is like a tank you either fill or empty with your actions is very true and touching.

Each person differs in his/her way of seeing the world and feeling towards others. For one, a word might be enough to express love, but for another a touch is, so how would we know what is the love language of our kids?

Wendy explains that it is by observing their own behavior and how they express their love would be your clearest clue. If your child likes to hug you, touch is his language. If he likes to keep saying he loves, then it is words and so on.

So, what are the love languages that are out there and what are the things we need to be looking for?

Words of affirmation – for this language one has to be very careful with what they say as a good word means you love me as well as a bad word means you don’t, so if you have a child that needs to hear it, be careful with what you say when you are mad or frustrated as this might empty the tank in one shot and leave scars that are not easily healed.

Quality time – some people find spending time with the person they love as the ultimate expression of love; your child might be from this type and you would find him shadowing your movement around the house and always asking you to read them a story or help them with the homework. In this case, depriving your child from your presence would give them the impression that you do not love them enough, so you have to be moderate and make sure you are spending enough time with them.

Receiving gifts – this one can be the biggest challenge for parents as you do want to express your love to your child but at the same time you don’t want to spoil them and give them a tool to manipulate you with.

Acts of service – as Wendy puts it; you would be lucky if your child speaks this love language as he will appreciate all the things that you do as a parent to make sure that he is living a fulfilled life. Imagine your child considering you cooking dinner as a gesture of your love towards him; that would be really great as you don’t have to put extra effort on this one, but you always have to keep the sensors alert to pick up any signals of dissatisfaction or anger and work on them right away.

Physical touch – this is the first love language your child experiences, as the only way to communicate with the surroundings in early life is touching, so it is no wonder that it is one of the most important love expressions. A hug or a kiss or even a pat on the back or shoulder could be a loud “I love you” message. If your child speaks this language, be very careful not to hit him or use physical punishment as this will create a very bad and severe reaction.

We all have our own love language that we understand and makes a difference to us, but it might not be the same as our children’s, that’s why we need to learn their own language in order to communicate accordingly. Going back I time, I realize now that my love language was words of affirmation and I guess still is, but I do need to do some exploring to find out for sure what my current love language is to start communicating effectively with those I love.

Thank you Wendy for this beautiful inspiring piece