Taking things/people for granted!!
One of fellow bloggers; Qwaider is arguing that taking people or things for granted is a good thing and the use of the phrase “taking …… for granted” (fill in the blank: me, us, our love, our family … etc.) is just a cliché and something we are repeating just because some hot shot Hollywood star has started the bug and we just caught it like fire.
Although I see the point that he is making; when you love someone, you should be able to depend on them being there for you in sickness and health, better or worse, richer or poorer until death does them apart. However; not taking your loved ones for granted does not really conflict with the above, in fact; it plays a significant role in making the relationship grow stronger and deeper.
So, why is it bad to take people for granted?
Because when you do, you stop putting effort to make them feel loved and cherished, hence; they might feel left out and ignored, they might not find you welcoming when they are in need of more support or love. Taking them for granted is easily translated into your lack of interest or care.
People are about feelings, they are a bunch of emotions that are continuously boiling under the surface, especially for us women; we need nurturing and affection, and it is not about buying us expensive stuff. Now; I don’t deny that some women are materialistic enough that expensive stuff are the most important things and are their standards of preferences, but there are many women out there who are interested in warm emotions and feelings; a few nice words, a hug, a kiss or even as little as a smile sent across the dining table is more than enough of a reassurance, although an expensive gift every now and then is always welcomed
Qwaider gives us an example of us taking our parents for granted and yet they are always there for us providing us with their unconditional love, but this makes us really bad sons and daughters; ones that do not put enough effort to show their parents their appreciation and gratitude towards the people who gave them their lives.
Take it from someone who has been taken for granted; it does not feel good. You feel like everything you give is expected and you are not appreciated or thought highly of, no matter what you do, people will always accept more of you because you are grateful they are taking you for granted because this means you are the anchor in their life. This leaves you drained and exhausted where you always give and do not expect or get anything in return because you ought to be happy that you are being taken for granted.
Excuse me Qwaider; but things do not work this way. When you love someone enough, you would want to show them over and over just how much you love them and how grateful you are for having them in your life. You would not feel obligated to do so, it would be something that comes right from your heart, and when it starts to feel like an obligation or a burden; then there must be something wrong in the relationship or maybe you are being taken for granted and not liking it.
When you have a new baby; you have to take care of it, feed it when it is hungry, give it water when it is thirsty; give it love and warmth to provide a good environment for it to grow to its best; you keep doing that for ever. You yourself said that our parents keep loving us unconditionally no matter how bad or ungrateful we are. When you decide to grow a plant in your house or backyard; you don’t put it there and depend on the plant knowing that it is enough that you chose to plant it there; if you don’t water it and provide necessary soil and fertilizers; it will die. Relationships are not that different; if you don’t care for it and keep nurturing and taking care of it, it will die; yes, love dies if neglected or taken for granted.
We all know the saying; you wouldn’t know how much something or someone really means to you until you have already lost them, and guess what is the easiest and fastest way to lose your beloved things or people? It is taking them for granted!!
September 11th, 2006 at 7:01 am
Exactly 5o5a…you said it all
thanx for completing it
Qwider point of view is good but not complete
September 11th, 2006 at 8:12 am
Yes Khalidah, I agree with you, one should never take people for granged, never, becuase you might never know when you will lose this person, and only then when you will feel the shame and sorrow and wish you’d been more caring and more attentative to them.
September 11th, 2006 at 9:40 am
if every time the qweider thing busts out with one of his genious ideas you feel like responding in a full post, you will have to start a whole blog dedicated to that cause.
The best option is to ignore (it) altogether. The amount of stupidity and misinformation (it) generates is impossible to react to.
September 11th, 2006 at 9:54 am
too big for a comment … follow response back here: Take people for granted – take 2
September 11th, 2006 at 9:59 am
May you end up with someone who takes you for granted Qwaider … then you can come back and tell us how good it feels
September 11th, 2006 at 10:08 am
Thanks for the lovely wishes
. I would be honored to have someone who would end up understanding that the amount of love I have for them is unrelated to their show of appreciation. And Give them the piece of mind that they’re SAFE in my arms and life… No matter what happens
And by the way, I’m a guy, we get taken for granted anyway
Ya hala b2a7la khokha
September 11th, 2006 at 10:10 am
Peace not Piece
September 11th, 2006 at 11:43 am
Hi,
I think this post beautifully wiritten, and its not i’m with you or against Qwaider, but to be honest and because I like to share my experience regarding what Qwaider was talking about, honestly I used to behave by “taking things for granted” and I was asking people to do the same, I was convinced that there is no need to show love, or take care as we know for sure that we love each other “taking things for granted” but then I discovered that humans are all emotions more than logic and thinking,I learnt that its dangerous to take things for granted simple because its the begining of the end (of any relationship).
September 11th, 2006 at 11:59 am
eza sa7bak 3asal tel7asoosh kulu. But you got a point too Qwaider, as when you give, you give to Allah, and when you are nice because thats your nature. You hould not expect any in return. Thats why you deal with Allah, and you will never expect any return from people.But taking any one for granted is indication of something wrong of that person’s personality.Kids and teenagers do it all the time. Adults who does they tend to be on the msalbat side
September 11th, 2006 at 10:56 pm
you got a point and i agree with u .
September 11th, 2006 at 11:10 pm
I am in total agreement Khalida..
September 12th, 2006 at 12:51 am
Taking your lover for granted doesn’t work. You have to keep on reminding him/her of how much you love him/her. It doens’t work for me. I need continous reassuring, appreciation, and attention. That is what you should get when you are in a relationship. People have feelings and emotions, they change with time. You have to keep on feeding them, otherwise, bad emotions would grow instead.
If your lover won’t keep you feel special, why get into the hussle of being in a relationship in the first place?
September 12th, 2006 at 4:57 am
Reema,
I have not touched the subject from love and lover stand point, I may add for sake of practicality in these relationships, you surely cannot take people for granted, yet the one in Love should always forgive and forget, love is a beautiful feeling that cannot come easy, and without one can be really misrable. Ask me about that , I have gone through it.
And yes, love means sacrifice, and as some one said ” Love means never having to say you are sorry” that means you forget andd forgive, and it does not mean you use your love.
As you can see in the case with Kids, we love them even when they take us for granted. It may hurt, but it won’t stop us from loving them. Same is true in a love relationship of Man and Woman.
Don’t you agree Khokha?
September 12th, 2006 at 5:08 am
Abdullah,
That’s what I was saying in my post … relationships need a lot of work and you just cannot afford to assume or take your beloved’s for granted cause if you do, you will be killing the relationship and the love …
Forgetting and forgiving are the main ingredients in any love relationship … whether between man and woman or parents and their children, siblings … etc.
If you are not able to forgive then you haven’t loved in the first place .. unless it was a stab in the heart … that would be different
Does that answer you?
September 12th, 2006 at 5:49 am
actually you are all right.. and well said.
but it depends on the person !! and who is he/she…. there are many relations survived but we need to work more on them.
September 12th, 2006 at 6:51 am
Yes indeed dear, Forget and Forgive. Indeed as well if not that person Never loved in the first place although claimed so.
Thank you for that calrification
Love you Khokha
September 12th, 2006 at 11:51 am
Hey Khaleda, wass up!
I have just noticed what had happened…You know… leaving your blog at jeeran…I think it was a smart move…
Anyway, just wanted to wish you the best of luck…You are such a good person, and you deserve the best things in life…
keep blogging…
September 12th, 2006 at 1:42 pm
I agree with you here and though you focused more on taking people for granted it is also very much true about things. Like i took so much for granted when i was living in the US cuz i didn’t know anything other than what i had and therefore was used to. But after moving here three years ago I have realized how much i used to have in the US and how important they used to be (like libraries and clean air to breath and friendly people). Taking things/people for granted is so NOT a good thing.
kloude
September 15th, 2006 at 3:55 am
I see what Qwaider tried to say. but I think you are right Khalidah. I don`t like people to take things for granted and especially taking me for granted. In fact, I suffered a lot from people doing that especially friends. I just felt as you already said left out and ignored.. They count on me to be always there for them and never show me any gratitude. And when I say sorry sometimes, they start to blame me..
February 5th, 2008 at 5:28 am
i like this entry
it have helped me to think about some things more deeper and get to understand them better 
thanks lot 
God bless! 
^^