Losing good old friends …
Many times; we meet people that become an integral part of our lives, we give them a special place and status in our hearts because and we share them our hopes and dreams and turn to them when we feel we need to vent or talk to someone.
As the relationship grows and becomes deeper, we get more accepting and tolerant and maybe even more forgiving. Suddenly; we are accepting behaviors that once were not even open for discussion, but when your friend does them, it becomes easier to understand and you take it because you don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings and alienate them.
In some rare cases, the friendship turns into something else that is deeper and more meaningful; it would be super great if both felt the same way, but the worst thing happens when only one of them gets the feeling and is not being reciprocated.
Now you are faced with a very bad situation, you don’t want to lose your friend, you don’t want to hurt his feelings yet you owe it to yourself and to him to be honest, you respect him enough to tell the truth.
You decide to take some time off and try to withdraw yourself bit by bit, hoping to go back to where you have started, but he corners you with comments and phrases that you are cold and that you changed; he does not accept not having you around as he used to and insists on making you feel worse than before.
You reach a point where the inevitable is no longer avoidable and you are forced to have the talk; you need to put all the cards on the table and make it clear that whatever they have in mind is not working and will never do any time soon. You risk hurting him and yourself in the process but isn’t it better than leaving things the way they are and end up blamed for their heartache and yours?
This conversation might be the hardest you will ever get into; you start is with pain in your heart and end it with a tear in your eye. You tell him that it will never work; you tell him that you cherish his friendship and hold it dear but you can never be more than that. He shouts; he feels hurt, he feels deceived and led on and most importantly; he blames you for all this mess when you really did not have control over him developing feelings for you.
Then all of a sudden and it sounded like an impulsive reactive decision, but he decides that it is time he got out of your life and for ever; worst part is that he blames you for it. You argue that this is not the solution and will not make things better, but he does not even leaves you the option of discussing further and just like that; he is out.
You realize that you have lost your best friend and because of what? Because he fell in love with you or that is at least what he thought he did. You try so hard not to feel guilty; yet you do; you tell yourself that maybe it was avoidable, maybe it was something you did or didn’t do, but all this does not change the facts that you have already lost your best friend and what hurts the most is that there is no turning back; it is over!!
There is no benefit in exhausting your mind to find the answer to the ultimate question: why did this happen? Why didn’t I fall in love with him? Why can’t I even try? Why did he choose to get out of my life? Why did he sacrifice our long history together and our warm friendship?
Deep down; you know that it wouldn’t have worked and that you wouldn’t have been able to love him back, because love is not a feeling you get if you try harder; it is a feeling that if you don’t get without trying; chances are that you will never do.
All you have to do now is accept the consequences and live with them the best you can! Still; nothing hurts more like losing your best friend!!
September 16th, 2006 at 2:54 am
Amazing Post
I gss the problem is here ” You decide to take some time off and try to withdraw yourself bit by bit ” , why u want to withdraw yourself aslan ? If there is a problem then u can talk to him and fix things up , if the problem cant be solved u might just ignore it inorder not to sacrify the whole good moments and history u have , or else u need to break up if things really getting troublesome and in this case u will have a reason a good reason inorder not to make u feel guilty ! and what is important here that he needs to know the truth , u need to be honest with him and this is the least thing u can do ! So the important Q here – which i am asking u – why u want to withdraw yrself men aslo !
CheeerZ!
September 16th, 2006 at 3:27 am
I went through the same thing years ago. After my friend decided to disappear from my life, I let him be. I was hurt and cried a lot, I just missed him being around as my friend who understands me and supports me. After a few months I called just t check in on him, slowly things started getting back to normal. He is now happily married to a lovely girl and still my best friend. Things might work out for you and your friend, yet these things take time. Meanwhile hang in there.
September 16th, 2006 at 4:30 am
Khalidah, I’m so sorry! I’ll be praying for comfort in the loss…
September 16th, 2006 at 7:08 am
What you say is true, and its very sad indeed, I hava a very good idea about this subject, I’ve been there myself, but with me it didn’t end that way, becuase i chose for it not to, I was rejected and at first t hurt but I chose friendship, and i realized i could never hate the one i loved. I got over it becuase such is life, it goes on, even after someone dies, his loved ones will get over it and go on, life is too short, so its best to keep the ties of friendship alive instead of letting them break.
September 16th, 2006 at 2:36 pm
Khalidah ..
I’d second on what Bakkouz said .. it is understandable how hard it could be for the rejected part .. but loosing a lifetime friendship is even worse , and life is too short as he said .. one could feel embarrassed , hurt for being rejected by someone whom he/she deemed in to be THE ONE .. but again .. we have friends and we have THE ONES .. and there is a little twist in our emotions which makes the difference logical to us ..
September 16th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Being in love is a gift from God. What you do with that feeling is your choice.
Being loved is something we should be happy about, yet if the kind of love (in this case mating love) is not matching( that is you love him like a brother and he loves you and want you as a mate). Then without hurting, you can tell the person that you love him brotherly love, and you are sorry if you have mislead him unintentionally. If he gets mad, you can assure him of your love by telling him that he is the best brother you ever had, and you will be very sad if he leaves. I went through the exact same situation, and that girl is still like a sister to me, and she will never let me down, and I will be always there for her.
Again LOVE is beautiful, and no matter what kind, its something that fill your life with so much livliness, and happiness. A giving person cannot live without LOVE. As for mating love its the kind that you need to be very sure about, as its the ultimate in giving at all levels. Being in an Islamic environment protect you from such possibilities, and I know Khalidah will not agree with me on that, but I really believe in that.
It was said, and its very much true:
“A7bib man sh2et fa enaka mufariquhu”
September 16th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
hi khokha just i hope iam not this one
dont worry eldenia b’7air 
love you
September 18th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
Dar …
I really did not want to hurt him nor encourage him .. I would be doing one of these two things if I stayed … I was not ready to confront because I was not ready to lose .. which happened at the end
Never Learn …
Welcome to my mind … maybe this will happen later .. not sure when but I am hoping it will .. because it hurts to lose good friends …
Kinzi …
Thank you … you are so sweet as always
Bakkouz …
This is really brave of you to say that … I did not want to reject him and that’s why I tried to pull away … I am not sure if I had lost him for ever or if there is a chance to save it
Danah …
You are right
Abdullah …
Yeah you are right in knowing that I do not agree to your theory … what happened here is a small fraction of the total and it does not happen always … proof to that .. I have so many male friends and we share wonderful friendships .. nothing harmful, shameful or wrong … this case is really rare ..
Wedad …
Haiaty inti
September 18th, 2006 at 2:24 pm
Lets just say Bakkouz’s scenario shows some love; If a person loves another they would rather be in one-sided love relationship than walking out on them – or so I think.
September 18th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
You are right, it has to be rare…
September 19th, 2006 at 1:38 am
Devil’s Mind …
Welcome back my friend … it has been a long time since you were here
You are right … I agree with your point of view
Abdullah …
What is behing this cunning smile of yours??? yalla e3taref
September 19th, 2006 at 10:22 am
ma3lish Khokha, ana 3endi 7asasyeh min “yala e3taref”