Gender Segregation in Weddings!!
Yesterday; I attended a wedding party for one of my best friends; another experience in weddings in Jordan and witnessing the same old things happen. Don’t get me wrong; I had a wonderful time and the bride was absolutely stunning and her groom was so happy and literally flying and their happiness reflected on everyone else 
1000 mabrook Rasha
Now back to the main topic of this post, I guess you can tell from the subject line what I want to talk about. The wedding was segregated by gender which means women had a party and men had a totally different party.
For the record; I am against these kinds of parties because chaos conquers in them. I believe that it is tidier and classier for the whole family to be seated on the table rather than the man sitting in a room and the woman and kids in a different one, because men do not and will not take the kids with them; they are too much trouble and too much to handle. When the whole family is in the same place; it is more likely for them to stay put and for the kids to be less chaotic and I have seen this so many times.
Some argue that they segregate weddings from a cultural and religious point of view, because girls/women want to be free to take off the veils and show off their not so conservative dresses and they cannot do that in a mixed party. Those who do it from a cultural point of view do it because they do not appreciate other men seeing their wives/daughters/sisters/mothers, they just remove the headache by segregating the party and herding men in a room where they can see them 
Those who do it from a religious point of view rightfully believe that their wives/daughters/sisters/mothers must not appear in party clothes and veil-less in front of strange men and I cannot/will not argue that. Again; they put men away in a room and serve them some of the wedding goodies without participating in the party.
Also; in segregated parties; the bride and groom do not get to stay together for the whole party, in the middle of the party; the groom is snatched away from his bride and goes to the men’s party while the bride celebrates with the women; what is the fun in that??
At the end of the party; the groom comes back again and they have half an hour with the families for the photo shoot and then off they go to their house or the hotel and with that the wedding party comes to an end!!
What I was wondering about since yesterday; what is the point of having parties of this kind when the bride and groom cannot be together? How is this a wedding and not bachelorette + bachelor parties? Why do girls like wearing not so conservative clothes to weddings? Why not wear something nice and conservative at the same time?
Another question comes to mind; how do men rest assured that their wives/daughters/sisters/mothers are safe from spying eyes when almost every single person in the room has a mobile phone with a fancy camera that takes nice clear photos? Do they depend on people’s integrity not to share photos with others, or not to take photos in the first place?
I will leave you with the thought that when you hear that there are security guards at weddings confiscating mobile phones and digital cams from guests; don’t be so surprised!!
Hala 3ammi 
January 25th, 2007 at 6:38 am
I’ve been kind of surprised by how little brides and their attendents are wearing at weddings these days. Sure there is a long flowing skirt, but the top has more fabric than the lingerie she will wear later!
Can’t the men just get over it for the sake of celebrating as a family, and the women just add a little more fabric to their gowns?
January 25th, 2007 at 8:06 am
First of all, I think every bride and groom deserves to have a wedding where they are most comfortable. People who have segregated weddings have been doing so for a long time, and I think most of them are fine with the idea that they will see their bride/groom for only 25% of the time. If they’re fine with it, why should we worry about it? We should respect their cultural and religious views.
As for the type of clothing people wear, I think when it’s segregated women who are usually wearing conservative clothes in public all the time get a chance to dress up the way they want. There’s nothing wrong in that as long as it doesn’t turn into a scene from a strip club.
As for the cell phones, I think our societies have stooped to a new low where we have to confiscate people’s phones because we can’t trust our own guests to have the decency to respect our privacy. I don’t think the solution is to stay covered up or have mixed weddings all the time. I’m not going to prevent myself from dressing up and having a good time because there are a few people in the hall who have absolutely no dignity, no self respect, and no conscience. We have to be cautious but not to the point where we allow those losers to control the way we want to enjoy our happy moments.
January 25th, 2007 at 10:28 am
On that last part, I’ve seen it happen they temporarily confiscated the cell phones from everyone at the door! And won’t allow anyone to carry a camera or any device that takes pictures)
I think you might want to consider the word “Separated” instead of “Segregated” since this is not done for racial reasons.
What would you have said if the Men’s party was better than the women’s? LOL!!! IT SUCKS to be a man in these weddings. You’re cramped in a room with 50 other men chain-smoking. While the party is happening! It REALLY sucks to be a man in these weddings!
January 25th, 2007 at 11:37 am
“Why not wear something nice and conservative at the same time?”
Because designers don’t seem to know how to make anything nice and conservative at the same time. The last wedding I went to, I ended up buying a felaha dress. It was the only thing I could find that was nice AND conservative!
January 25th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Kinzi,
Exactly … why not?
Moi,
I am against the concept and I have stated that … I am just wondering what is the point of having such weddings when people do not enjoy them any way? You think men are happy when they have to sit and talk about everything and nothing while the party is going on somewhere else? It is not nice wallah … is it so hard to compromise?
ba3deen people do take photos with their cell phones and we see this happening all the time … How does this achieve the main goal of having this kind of wedding party?
Qwaider,
Yeah, I would not be surprised if this becomes a trend
I used “segregated” rather than “separated” on purpose because I feel for the poor men who suffer the most and yes I know that it sucks to be a man stuck in such situation
yalla … for once; I am siding with men here
Rebecca,
I think we can still find some nice conservative dresses that work … why not try at least?
January 25th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Allah ykhalleelna ghazaltek ray2a ya rab!
January 26th, 2007 at 1:59 am
Ciao,,, long time no Hamzeh,,,
Anyway,, I’m totally against these kind of stupid social acts… but let’s be realistic,, my uncle decided to have this MIXED “MO5TALATA” party but 50% apologized. So under the family pressure,, he changed his mind to a separated party,,, now the other 50% apologized… and he ended up having 2 wedding parties in 1 day,, one gender separated in Madaba and later the WOOOOOW one.
Poor uncle,, it was too much effort and money to satisfy everyone,,, but guess what,, no one was really satisfied
January 26th, 2007 at 4:28 am
Qwaider,
gool inshallah
Hamzeh,
exactly … you can never satisfy everyone … so who cares? do what you feel like and forget about the rest
January 26th, 2007 at 5:36 am
I have to say that in most of the cases, it depends in if the bride wears hijab or not…
I had a separated wedding because I wear hijab for religious and not cultural reasons… we had lots of fun and at the end of the wedding, I covered my hair in a nice thing and my husband’s very close relatives came in the main party and danced for hours… everyone was having a good time… I think in certain conservative and religious circles it is completely fine to do this… I mean men look at women walking in the street and do look at them in a “suspicious” way in weddings too… it is perfect for them… every woman is dressed up to tease other women and they benefit the most from that… I went once to an engagement party where the groom was looking at his bride’s friends and she got mad and yelled at him in front of everyone…
I think it is perfectly ok to have a separated wedding… women with hijab are a different story my friend…
welcome back your good mood Khalidah!
January 26th, 2007 at 6:36 am
The segragated weddings are the most boring and annoying experience I have as a person. I have to drive my wife there and then go to set with the boring men who I have seen hundreds of times before to talk about things we have talked about millions of times before and I have to smell the smoke and the stupid music sound and eat the old frozen cakes. Now why the hell does the groom has the right for all the fun by watching all the girls dancing. Is this a sort of “heating up” for the big night?
I once was in a segregated wedding during a world cup match and almost all of the men went to a nearby cafe to watch the game-including me of course- and when the groom went down to get the congratulations he only found 15 people. he deserves it, not only having a wedding in a world cup night but also making it segregated.
January 26th, 2007 at 7:01 am
Believe me Khalidah, I’m trying! I’m just always surprised at how difficult it is to find.
January 26th, 2007 at 11:00 am
well, you can’t generalize! we all believe that no matter what you do in your wedding or how much you pay, people will always give bad comments! as for my personal experience, I wanted to have my wedding mixed, but looking for a suitable & comfortable dress for me being veiled was almost impossible, & when we decided to make it seperated, we did the best we could to get everyone together, so dinner was served in one ball room for everyone! and tried to kill boredom in men’s hall by bringing a musician to them,,,I mean we tried our best to make everyone satisfied, and I guess we succeeded, at least, this is what I heard after the party: great idea!! and to be honest, the most important ones to satisfy at the end are both the groom and the bride…thanks for posting this:)
January 26th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Along the same lines as Nido said above… I’m personally against weddings!
What’s the use of spending 15/20k just for a wedding? I’d rather have a nice honey moon, buy the my dominatrix oops wife to be a goddamn car and live my life Nakadly ever after!
And on this occasion I would like to dedicate “Bokra El Nakad Bokra bokra … bokra El Nakad” To all the married and about to be married couples
و دامت الافراح في دياركم العامرة
January 27th, 2007 at 5:08 am
Excellent post Khaliedah,
I’m amazed on how most of the people agreed on the fact that you can not satisfy all people in a wedding party, yet those are the same people who said that segregated parties are boring and not entertaining!
I don’t believe that the reason of a wedding party is to entertain!! Don’t matter if it’s mixed or segregate weddings. It should be not for the purpose of guest entertainment…
I’m not against a great, entertaining wedding full of fun (mmm…may be a belly dancer, a “SILICON” female singer and then a stand-up comedian) but all I’m saying that the wedding should be planned as the bride and groom wish to have it, not as people or peer pressure requires them to.
Some times its not about what an individual wants or plans, I know some friends who wanted a mixed wedding but they couldn’t. and vise versa, others wanted a segregated wedding but he eventually did a mixed one.
I wont state what kind of a weddings party I prefer, because then people will do what they do best and that is “Stereotype”.
So ill end this loooong comment by saying this night is not for the guests, its for the bride and the groom, as a guest your choice is limited, just be their for your friends who bothered to invite you in the first place
January 27th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
so in separate weddings women really wear sexy clothes so other women see them and “recommend them strongly” to their single brothers or close male relatives. OF course taking pictures is very inappropriate however plenty of pcitures are taken and are “leaked” outside!
i’m with people doing whatever they’re comfortable with, if a woman wants to dance but can’t do it if there are men around then kick the men outside and let them dance lol.
men are always boring whether in separate or mixed weddings
January 29th, 2007 at 1:55 am
first alf mabrooook rashrosh
2nd. im with you specially in the last point, for me i cant enjoy wedding and dancing without boys around m
January 30th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Khalidah…. come on!
you have not solved all the reservations of mixed wedding parties when you ask the bride to be to choose a special wedding dress with a veil…
What about the dancing floor? having both men and women at the same hall means that women would dance in front of foreign men and that would be a severe breaking to religious and cultural for many conservative families!
You have been looking at the very negative side of segregated wedding. I have been discussing this issue with my friends and family since many year. I feel you forgot to mention how friends & cousins of the groom, would really enjoy to be alone make Dabkeh and express their happiness without causing embarrassment.
Same goes for veiled women; who want really prefer to be well-dressed in the weddings of their relatives but need to keep the whole respect to rules of Islam.
February 13th, 2007 at 4:51 am
thax for coming 5o5a
And Khawaja… exactly!
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:17 am
im actually having the same problem with my fiance he wants a split i want a mixed.. he simply wants a split because most of his family is hijabi and i simply am not.. i dont see the point of a split.. when i dance il be dancen with him.. and even that he sees as haram no man will see my wife dance.. the whole problem is huge.. me personally when i dance i dont dance like a belly dancer soft movement of the arm we khalas.. i dont wanna dance hard.. because 1. itl ruin the way i look.. 2. il be sweatn like a dog.. so technically i dont want to dance.. and my dress.. i want a conservative dress because i simply dont like naky dresses i feel like there very unelegant.. again personal choice.. yet we still argue over split or mixed. to me i dont wana see naked woman i think its retarded.. y would woman want to look good for other woman.. go look good for your husband. i simply could care less if you have a huge chest.. i feel like the moms of other men go there and search for not a good bride but a sexy bride for there sons.. that turn out to be hijabis.. which to me is more haram then the concept of men being there.. people are more on there best behaviors when men are their.. some arent.. but were not responsible for everyones actions.. i think the concept of split wedding should only be ligit.. for hijabis because they want to look there best for there husband. anyone else i dont see there point of view.. y would u wanna go naky on ur wedding i mean the wedding night is a couple hours away.. and y would you want to dress up for woman.. comon now.. how gay..
i hope this didnt offend anyone