There comes a time in one’s life when he/she gets ready to fly out of the nest that sheltered him/her all their lives. It is the time when one sets off to a new adventure and a new life where he/she has to depend on themselves to take decisions and choose paths of life. It is only normal that one day, kids will grow up and leave their parents’ home to start their own with the people they chose and loved.

I haven’t experienced the parenthood feeling yet and most probably; I do not know what I am talking about here, but nonetheless; I will try to document my thoughts here so that we can share a clearer perspective on the whole thing.

For parents; sons and daughters are the most important thing in their lives. That is why they work hard to provide them with a decent life and that is why they go out of their way to make sure that their children have everything they need until they reach the stage when they don’t need them as before and they are ready to go out to life and be on their own.

In the Arab World, we tend to hang on to our children more than any part of the world and I cannot help but wonder that this has to do with us Arabs being more emotional than any other nation in the world. Whether it is fear for them or overprotection; the result is still the same, we tend to put obstacles in front of them to keep them close to us for the longest time possible.

A clear example of this issue is the way that a mother hangs on to her son even after he gets married and makes his wife’s life a living hell with her middling and interference because in her mind, his wife does not know what she is doing and of course she does not understand her son like she, his own mother, does. Also, she would middle in her daughter’s relationship with her husband because she is convinced that her son in law does not treat his wife (her daughter) like he should and I think that we have seen this story many times in the movies; mothers in law are depicted as evil creatures who don’t know where, when or how to stop.

We also see how a father would force his choice on his children; he tried to draw their lives for them by choosing the future family in law for them. The son must not go for the girl that he met in university and fell in love with because his dad’s plan is to marry the daughter of dad’s business partner, or the cousin or whatever. On the other hand, daughters are not even allowed to discuss the idea of marrying a man of choice; that is out of the question and when he thinks of a suitable marriage for his daughter, it has to be according to his standards and not her choice.

OK, I know that this does not apply to everyone and that people are changing, however; a lot of parents still enforce their custody over their children’s choices. Some of them do not have plans, but they middle out of fear of the future, like when someone proposes to his daughter, he starts picturing their life in the future and how he is afraid that this man will not be good to his daughter and that she will lead a miserable life with him, simply because he does not approve of his personality or financial status and refuses to see things from the daughter’s perspective because she does not know what is good for her!!

Let me ask another question here; what happened to believing in fate? What if she marries the best man in the world and he dies one month later? How does that fit in the calculations of choosing a good life for their daughters?
What happened to our prophet (PBUH) telling us that the best man is the one who knows his faith very well and is not the wealthier or the most handsome. He also told us that the best woman is not the prettiest or the richest, but is rather the one who knows her faith and applies it to her life.

How do you know (as a father) that this man proposing to your daughter is not the best thing that happened to her? How can you predict that he will be bad for her and make up your mind based on predictions that may or may not be true? How do you know that you are not making a huge mistake that only your daughter will suffer from?

It amazes me how parents raise their children well, send them to schools and universities, allows them to go out and experience the work life, yet when it comes to the most important decision of their lives, i.e. choosing a life partner; they just don’t trust them with that and feel that they should make up that for them.

Is it disappointment that your son or daughter did not pick someone that fits your taste and standards? Do you feel disappointed that they are people of their own mind and will not allow you to pick for them? Do you feel that it is your right as a father to make these decisions for them?

I am really looking for some input here, from fathers, mothers, sons and daughters. What do you think?