All Alone … My First Published Article
I guess that it is not a secret that I am a super fan of VIVA Magazine for so many reasons, but I am not going to talk about this now 
VIVA has published an article of mine in their March issue and I cannot begin to describe, how excited, happy, proud and did I mention excited? 
Since I am so happy about this and everything, well I thought that I should at least share it with my dear friends and readers by posting it on my blog, so here it is and I hope you like it
The title of the Article is “All Alone”
Nice Introduction … thank you for that 
I really liked this image …
And this is the article …
Click on the images to get a clearer view
Here is the article …
No trains to Marrigeville? See why Khalidah El Mufleh says Singletown is just fine …
Hello, my name is Khalidah, and I am a 34-year-old single woman, which in our society, I suppose, makes me a spinster.
The word spinster conjures up a mental image of a childless, frumpy woman who is somewhat depressed, longing to be like other “normal” women. Indeed, in books and in movies, this very issue is portrayed as a young woman’s – and probably her whole family’s – worst nightmare. The spinster is always the desperate, unhappy woman willing to compromise anything just to be rid of the dreadful fate of being a singleton for life; she might even accept being a second wife or marrying a much older man to run away from the “Spinsterhood Ghost” as it is known in Arabic.
Interestingly enough, the stereotype of spinster has been universally understood to be feminine in nature. ‘Bachelor’ typically implies that a man is young, virile, and available. It doesn’t have the same negative connotations as that of ‘spinster.’ A bachelor could have numerous partners, but it would be immoral for a spinster to do the same. Unlike the spinster, the fact that a man is not married does not necessarily imply a deficiency in his character. Many times, I’ve heard it said to single women: “If you were good enough and worthy, you would have gotten married by now.”
I see things from a completely different perspective. While it’s true that married women tend to have a better societal status, being more respected and acknowledged, I will not think less of myself just because I’m not someone’s wife.True, it’s human nature to seek companionship… someone to share your life with. We often hear that “there’s someone for everyone”, but what if there isn’t? What if no matter how hard we try, or how long we look, we still don’t find our ‘Mr Right’? What if, one day, we pass the conventional age of marriage and everyone starts referring to us as spinsters?
A few years ago, I was brought face-to-face with the fact that, in the eye of my community, I have become a spinster. I was attending the wedding of a slightly younger cousin, and as I shook her hand in a warm, loving way, she gave me the “I-feel-sorry-for-you” look and said, “May God have mercy on you and send you a husband soon.”
I didn’t know whether or not to be offended, or if I should laugh it off, but then I thought, at least she had the guts to say it to my face. I was sure by then that everyone was thinking the same thing. What annoyed me most was the way that people looked at me: as an incomplete woman, neither acknowledged nor respected unless she was someone’s wife. To them, it doesn’t matter if you’re educated or not, working or not, well established or not. They don’t really care about all your life achievements, because in their opinion, getting married is the only one that counts. Anything short of this role is considered abnormal, unfulfilling, and suspect.
Some people rather see me compromise and accept any man who proposes, even if he was already married or has children from a previous marriage. Single women are expected to lower their standards to meet those of their pursuer, if there was any, and even then they are not supposed to expect what other young brides would since they should be thankful to be getting married in the first place!
A single woman in her 30s or over needs to be strong and have a high level of self confidence in order to overcome stereotypes and not buy into what others try to label her. Working women are at an advantage because we don’t have to depend on anyone for financial stability; we can afford to stay single until we meet the right person. On the other hand, women who depend on their fathers and/or brothers face a bigger problem, leading them to make the only choice they feel they have: get married, no matter what.
I think highly of myself, and I’m not about to let society make me feel different simply because I’m not someone’s – anyone’s – wife. Being a spinster is by no means a terrible fate; it is simply another lifestyle that will be socially accepted when we embrace it for what it is: a normal existence.
If and when I do get married, I insist on taking the step for the right reason, which is to be with the man I choose to live with, not because of societal pressure or out of fear. Being with someone I respect and love is far more important to me than ending up with just anyone simply because I had to run away from my fate.
When I imagine my future husband, I think of someone who could share the details of my life, laugh and cry with me, is there for me, understands, loves and appreciates who I am, someone who becomes my home and shelter, someone who talks to my mind and speaks to my heart, a man who respects the woman in me and sees me in my true colours. Until that person comes along, I will remain single. And if that person never comes, well, I’d rather live in Singletown than be miserable-ever-after in Marriageville.
What’s a spinster?
A spinster (or old maid) is a woman who has never been married, though it is usually applied only to women who are regarded as beyond the normal age for marriage, which varies between cultures. The word spinster came into common use in the West during the early 19th century when the thankless task of spinning cloth had been pushed off to unmarried women as a way to earn their keep in the home.
March 10th, 2007 at 5:40 am
Mabrook. It’s alway exciting to be published.
March 10th, 2007 at 5:51 am
wow! alf Mabrook!
shofeelna wasta to publish some of my posts alla yes3edek
March 10th, 2007 at 5:56 am
You go Khalidah
March 10th, 2007 at 7:22 am
YAHOO, KHALIDAH!! Well said and well done! Akhiraan! za’if, za’if!
March 10th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
I bet it’s a great feeling
mabrook Khalidah!
March 10th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Thank you guys for the nice words … it means a lot to me
I hope you liked the article as well
March 10th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Alf mabrook Khalidah, we’re all so proud of you
March 10th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
I’m going to say Mabrook to Viva Magazine… not to you Khalida, they’re the ones who r lucky for having a talented writer… As for you, I’m guessing its just a step on a much longer path of fulfillment.. The article is great, you captured it from all angles, one thing though… Men are under pressure to get married, believe me it works both ways… the guys I know who are in their late 30’s and are still single are under great pressure and in many cases people imply all sorts of deficiencies… Actually, most of us start hearing “when are you going to get married?” around the age 27…
March 10th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
hi khalidah:
my name is noor I’m from USA ,i just came over your blog about 2 days ago i never read any blogs to any 1 before but when i read what u wrote u got me so attached i even went through all ur articles since u started , i like the way u write and the way u think ,i think your great ,and by the way mabrook on your article it’s amazing great job keep writing and i always read what u write OK hopefully we get to know each other more ,bye and good luck
March 11th, 2007 at 12:02 am
mabrook o 3ogbal ma tpablishi ktab kamel
March 11th, 2007 at 12:42 am
wow, Khalida, mabrook..and excellent article as well!! I think spinster is a word to use on a sad woman..regardless of her marital status..a married woman could be a spinster if she is a soar and bitter creature for all I care..and it is definitely a much better choice to be alone than to be with the wrong person for the wrong reasons..way to go Khalida!!
March 11th, 2007 at 1:50 am
P.S. I feel sad actually for those unemployed women who go beyond 30 and have to live with a brother and his wife… I have to say that this is one of the most daring aticels I have read, many told me that mt stories on taboo and sex issues were daring, but I believe this article is much more confident and courageous. WOW Khalidah wow… keep on writing…
March 11th, 2007 at 3:11 am
الف الف مبروك يا خالدة
والله انك بترفعي الراس يا حبيبة الشعب
مبروووووووووك
March 11th, 2007 at 4:51 am
Hi Khalidah,
I’ve so been looking forward to this article! I’m so glad to see that you approached the topic in such a positive light. Being single is not only “not-that-bad” but also can be a very good thing if used wisely. As a single woman, I have the time and energy to serve society and God in many different ways. My friends who are married with children just don’t have the same time and energy. They are, by contrast, serving society by training their young ones to be good people. Both are vitally important, but doing one over the other does not make a woman a more valuable person.
Should God have mercy on me and bring me a husband, I know it will be for my best. But on the other hand, He might have mercy on me and NOT bring me a husband! If that is the case, I must trust that he knows me better than I know myself, and his plan for my life is based in his love for me.
On a totally unrelated topic I saw this article today. Is this someone you know?
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7761970
March 11th, 2007 at 5:02 am
OK, maybe that article is not so unrelated. It appears Ms. Mufleh may be a single woman making the best of her time and opportunities.
March 11th, 2007 at 6:06 am
nothing to add
Iam happy for you! keep it up and dont stop!
March 11th, 2007 at 11:53 am
March 11th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Hello Angelita, I’m Adam, I’ve just joined VIVA magazine few days ago, I’m a commercial photographer. I’ve been in Dubai as well for the last 6 years, just came back to jordan few months ago.
I went through your article, I wanna say.. good for Jordan having you!
March 12th, 2007 at 1:44 am
I just read it yesterday and I loved it soooo much
Good job w ya36ekee el3afyeeh
March 13th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
Thank you everyone for the wonderful words and I am glad you liked the article …
March 18th, 2007 at 5:11 am
[...] are you doing to empower women in your country?”. And while on the topic, Khalidah shares her first published article on what it means to be a 30 something single woman in Jordanian [...]
March 19th, 2007 at 3:57 am
totally loved it , can i share your article in a forum khalidah ? to discuss its subject?
March 19th, 2007 at 11:58 am
Rana,
Thank you dear for your interest in my article and of course I do not mind … I even replied there
May 21st, 2007 at 12:20 pm
HA! Definitely laugh it off!
I find it demeaning, how our society emphasizes on marriage and having children. I used to cringe at the way some people would talk about girls: “Well, eventually, all she has to do, is get married, sit at home and have children.” That is depressing Khalidah, and certainly, being independent and strong is refreshing. I think that our society still believes that women need to be shadowed by the authority of man, and that’s why single women are not tolerated, and that’s why people look at it as an insult.
To be honest with you, I find it amazing how women are strong in our society, and how much they have to put up with. Just surround yourself with people that accept you as you are, and whoever you are, and forget about those who give you the “I feel sorry for you” look. Let’s face it, at least you won’t be going home to an idiotic husband, three children, and need to cook and clean and wash the dishes.
June 12th, 2007 at 2:03 am
Laura Haddad has just pointed me to read this post.
I am glad to read what you have written Khalida. Wish more women think the same way and enjoy their lives without any fear of being labelled as spinster or not!