Oh chair oh chair on the floor, who is the greatest of them all?

Oh my dear chair, I have been dreaming of you all my life, obsessing about how I could and when I would reach you … sitting on you was the ultimate goal and I thrive and live for keeping my buttocks attached to you … oh chair oh chair, you are my only friend and ally and without you, well; I guess that I will lose all my friends.

My story with you goes way back to the days when I started dreaming of being wealthy and powerful, I realized that you are my only way to glory and that without you I can never buy the big house in the rich suburbs, I would never be able to ride a half a million dollars car, I would never be able to spend my vacations in the Riviera traveling first class.

How can I eat caviar without you? I do not care that its taste sucks as long as I can afford it while 99% of the populace cannot dream of it.
How can I be immune? How can I get away with almost everything I do? I figured it out a long time ago that the only way is by sitting on you and staying there for the longest time.

I understand that in order to reach you, I have to poison all the Snow Whites that I meet along the journey to you, and I fully understand that I need to kill my conscience in the process; it was never useful any way because it kept pushing me backwards. I know that I need to be flexible when it comes to the rules and laws; they are meant to be broken after all but only by me or someone like me although I doubt they exist!!
I understand that I need to be selfish and care only for myself; I cannot carry someone else on my back and I have to be always in the lead because there is only one person who can sit on you because I know that you were made for one person … just like Twix … it is for one, not for two

I promise you that I will fight anyone who tries to approach me; I will throw them out before they reach my playground. I will only keep weak individuals around me to make sure that they will always follow me and not even once would they think of taking my place on you. I commit to always divide and conquer or is it: divide to conquer? To tell you the truth, it really does not matter because it leads to the same result … I will conquer! Keep them apart and they will follow you and compete to gain your trust and preference; give them a chance to cooperate and collaborate; they will team against you and betray you, so I will keep this as my constitution.

To keep them loyal and in my service; I will throw them my cake crumbles … I will also make sure that they are convinced that to keep getting the crumbles they have to keep me happy and make sure I get more cakes because this is the only way they will get their share.

I will build an empire and keep you in the family; only those who carry my last name are entitled to sit on you but only after I am gone!

Oh chair oh chair … without you I am nothing … you make me who I am and I would do anything to stay comfortably seated on you …

Oh chair oh chair on the floor … I am the greatest of them all

This was a praise by someone who enslaved himself to the chair and forgot that it is the person who gives value to the position (chair) and not the other way around … May Allah have mercy on their souls and have mercy on our society because we have so many of those that it is starting to suffocate all the free souls who would never be slaves to anyone or anything!