On the rainy evening of last Thursday, a group of JB bloggers met for a warm nice time at the Graphic Club in Sweifieh.

Although more than 27 people have confirmed their attendance, only a handful appeared that night and it was a great meeting. We had a chance to talk, laugh, take pictures, discuss serious matters and even sing Abed a nice Happy Birthday song.

Another good thing was that I found some nice books and made sure I bought them on my way out. I will leave you with some of the pictures of that lovely evening and looking forward to see all those who could not make it this time in the next meeting.

Manal (Red Rose) and Muoffaq (MQabbani Minds Talk)

Daniella and Eyad (Proactivity Group)

Manal (Red Rose) + 7ala (Ro2a) + Shaden (Sugar Cubes) + Wedad (Better Life)

Roba’s Cousin and Brothers (It was really great to see you guys)

Roba (And Far Away)

I guess that you can tell that there is something wrong with this line before you go any further. What does this line remind you of? You got it right; wedding vows, however; have you ever heard the term betray line up next to love and honor? How does betrayal become a part of a vow that is supposedly a lifetime commitment between two people?

Before you start thinking that I am out of my mind, let me assure you that I am ok and you are ok as well, because this is a title of a book I was reading for the last couple of weeks for my book club. Basically; the book tells stories of 26 anonymous women, married women who have been, are into and think of having an affair.

This is an every day story and is as old as the human race. Ever since the marriage institution was created, infidelity was and still is one of the side effects that some marriages suffer from. Some of the women had terrible lives with their husbands and that’s according to their own words; I still feel that it is not fair to judge by hearing one side of the story, because this book never mentions the men’s side of the story. How would we know that these women are not just making up excuses to justify their actions?

I felt that the most honest ones were those who admitted that there was nothing wrong with their lives; they just wanted more and instead of seeking that from their husbands, they chose to go to another man and look for what they are lacking in their marriages. In almost all the stories, it was the emotional satisfaction, and in most cases, they stayed with the husband because of the kids and/or financial stability … honestly; I found that very selfish because if you are not happy with your husband, you should not stay in a marriage and make him and yourself miserable, and if you are staying because of your kids, then you would not think of hurting them by risking their well being and family balance and having an affair.

Anyway; this is not why I was inspired to write about this topic; it is actually the theory that we discussed as a part of the debate. It goes as follows: The late historian Lawrence Stone says that the median duration of marriage is the same today as it was 100 years ago, when mortality rates were much higher. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, says: “The news is not that humans are adulterous, the news is that we pair up at all. I find it remarkable that we are not more adulterous.”

So, what the theory is suggesting is that monogamy might be an unnatural state, or at best a state that is difficult to maintain, and we were asked a question if we concluded that marriages are never meant to last as long as we expect them to today?

Now, isn’t that a scary thought?

I thought that this theory was missing out on the most important factor which is the people involved in the monogamous relationship. It takes at lease one couple to prove that it is possible to maintain such a relationship but through commitment, dedication and a lot of hard work because a marriage does not sustain itself by existing; in fact; it is only the beginning of the long way that two people committed to work together.

As we were discussing that monogamy is actually natural and possible; another idea popped up and that is that humans are not naturally monogamous and not programmed to be with one partner for life. Then polygamy joined the party and we starting discussing; how can monogamy be natural if polygamy is? I mean; polygamy is based on one human (man) maintaining relationships with multiple lifetime partners (women) … so which system is natural and which is not? And how can we say that both are when they totally work against one another?

Frankly; this is confusing … on one hand; if we say that monogamy is unnatural, how can we expect to live with one person for life? In fact; how can we say that marriage is a successful institution to begin with if it is based on something that is not normal and unrealistic? If we go ahead and get married with this conviction in mind, does this make infidelity expected and comes with the marriage package? Does this mean that we should not be angry and hurt if our spouses acted on their urges and had affairs or maybe lived another life?

On the other hand; if we say that monogamy is actually normal and that is the solid base on which you build a strong marriage; then how do we explain polygamy?

Interesting, ha?

I have been tagged for this great book tag by my best friend Jad and my new friend MQabbani; thank you guys

So here is what I have to do and the ones I tag have to do

1- Grab the book closest to you.
2- Open to page 123, scroll down to the 5th sentence
3- Post the text of next 3 sentences on your blog
4- Name of the book and the author
5- Tag 3 People

Take the shipping clerk who realized his company did enough business with Federal Express to get not just volume discount, but a dedicated computer to track shipping orders. The clerk took it on himself to approach the CEO as he was leaving work and pitch the idea - and saved the company $30,000.
At PNC Bank in Pittsburgh, a credit supervisor did a back-of-the-envelope calculation of the amount of electricity being eaten up by the bank’s hundreds of personal computers left on by people after they had gone home. Those sixteen hours of idle time, he calculated, cost the bank $268,000 each year.

Name of the Book: Working with Emotional Intelligence
Name of the Author: Daniel Coleman

I am going to tag: I tag 7ala, Wedad, Rasha, Roba, Lina, Salam and all book lovers who visit this blog; please do share the knowledge

Going downtown is an experience worth talking about every time you do it; it is unique and special in a totally different way than anything else. The noise, the smells, the people and everything about the shops and streets there is different and peculiar.

I really was not planning this trip and it came out of the blue; mom wanted to buy a few things and my sister said she would love to go with her; so they came to me to give them a ride; now how can I refuse something like that? Can I?

So we went downtown and I parked my car in the old parking lot, and we started our trip on foot. The first place I visited was Abu Ali’s kiosk for great books and spent some good 20 minutes with this great man, took his advice about books to read and bought me a nice collection that I will write about in another post. He gave some of the translated books and was so happy when I told him that I read them in English; he said he is proud of all of the young educated people who keep seeking knowledge any way they can, and he agreed that I take a photo of him and post it on my blog

Then we went to a falafel restaurant downtown called Fuad; it is one of the oldest and most well known and it is really good. There was this place that sells cassettes full of songs you will only hear in busses, service cars or cabs; I got me a couple of those just for the sake of it!!

My sister wanted to buy some cosmetics and that was our next station; there is an excellent place in Basman street called “3alam Al 3o6oor”, they have everything a woman can ask for, and we got ourselves some nice things including the latest eye shade colors among other stuff.

Mom wanted to buy some fabrics and that was our next station; we got some nice material and colors for a very good price and then we needed some stuff from Bukhareyeh and that’s where we headed. You can never be bored in this place, with all the things hanging above your head and calling for you to come explore and buy. I can never get over how attractive these things look even if they are placed randomly and on top of each other.

Downtown Amman is full of different flavors and originality; it is a trip that you take and despite the exhaustion you feel at the end of the day; you always want to go again and again; it is a joy that only those who love genuine and honest reflections of the place that has been there before we were even born and will hopefully continue to be there long after we are gone!!

I could not help myself … Lina introduced us to this great campaign and I thank her for doing so.

Ever since I started learning the alphabet, reading was and still is a passion for me. I used to participate in reading contests in school and my favorite time was always spent in the library where I could get my hands on a bunch of diversified books and start reading them one after the other till I finish them, only to go get some more.

I remember that as a young girl, I was so anxious to start reading and understanding these drawings they call letters and words. My elder sister used to read out loud to memorize some of the poems for her homework, so I got them memorized as she kept reading, then I would go steal her books and open them on that specific poem and pretend that I was reading and not repeating from memory; that really made her so furious

My mother touched this passion in me and she started teaching me the alphabet at the age of 3 or 4. I remember that I used to read from the newspaper or anything I could get my hands on even before I was a first grader at school; mom and dad were really so proud of this and they showed me off to relatives and friends … that was the time … LOL

Back to now; reading is a window of learning and as they say: knowledge is power. The more you learn, the more you can understand what is going on around you. By reading; you gain the knowledge of book authors, you get an insight to their long experience that they line up for us to benefit from.

Get Caught Reading is a campaign that was started in USA and Europe, its aim is to promote reading among people, especially young generations. With the introduction of new technologies and the internet, people are spending less and less time reading; they do have the time to do everything else, but not spend some time with a book.

Another thing comes to my mind as I write these words; reading is connected to text books and studying which is not so popular or liked, because it reminds us with exams and learning responsibilities. This might drive some away from reading books in their free time and promote more fun things to do like going to the movies with friends or watching a favorite show on TV … etc.

Lina suggests that we should start this campaign in Jordan and maybe later extend to the Arab World. I love the idea and as a sign of support, I am posting about it and if you are reading these words, the message is already being passed to you and you will pass it to others, so it has already started. We just need to find some popular public figures to capture their images reading and feature them on the website.

Pass the word to others and enjoy the images I chose for you here

I have just finished a great book about practicing personal accountability at work and life; this book is called “QBQ!”, and to translate this acronym; it stands for: Question Behind the Question!

I enjoyed reading this book a lot because it is not your ordinary self help book that takes you through pages and pages of explanations and examples of how we should do this or that and how it would affect our attitudes and lives to change what we are doing and so on and so forth.

This book is digestible that I finished it in a few days. The author takes you in a lovely journey of discoveries within yourself that lead you at the end of it to grasp the concept and believe that it will truly affect your behavior, attitude and life in general.

One of the things that I liked about this book is that it is written in a very simple language and without unnecessary long paragraphs. Each chapter is 2 or 3 pages; concise and right to the point.

The most important thing I learned is that the questions we often ask ourselves are as important as the way we ask them and what words we pick to include in them as these words are an indication of something deeper than the surface.

Questions like: why me? Who did this? When are we going to get proper assistance? Are questions of blame and dependency and instead of asking these questions in any situation we face, be it in our work or personal life; we should switch to questions that give us power over any of these situations. Such questions should start with “What” or “How”, and they should contain the pronoun “I” and have an action verb that urges us to take action proactively and claim the responsibility to ourselves. This is what we call “Personal Accountability”.

Listing some of the bad questions we usually find ourselves asking; and ones that we should adopt instead: (BQ = Bad Question, GQ = Good Question)

In Customer care:

BQ: Why does the customer expect so much?

GQ: How can I serve them?

In Sales:

BQ: Why won’t the customer call me back?

GQ: How can I add value for my customers?

In Management:

BQ: Why aren’t my team members motivated?

GQ: What can I do to better understand each person on the team?

In Executive:

BQ: When are they going to catch the vision?

GQ: How can I be a better leader?

The Front Line:

BQ: Why do we have to go through all this change?

GQ: How can I adapt to the changing environment?

In Marketing:

BQ: When will the salespeople deliver our program?

GQ: What can I do to understand the sales reps’ frustration?

In Parenthood:

BQ: When is my child going to listen to me?

GQ: What can I do to improve my parenting skills?

Teenager:

BQ: When are my parents going to get it?

GQ: What can I do to communicate more effectively?

Spouse:

BQ: When will she appreciate me more?

GQ: What can I do to help her out?

The list goes on and on and I think you get the picture now as to how to implement this in your own lives. The point is that the choice is really ours to make, we can decide and choose our attitudes and reactions towards everything that takes place in our lives. So take a moment and ask yourself; how willing are you to get out of your dependency shell and take responsibility once and for all? Are you ready to become accountable for everything you say or do? Are you ready to work on yourself and those around you to grasp and adopt personal accountability?

If you answer these questions positively; then don’t wait and take action to make it happen. If you answered negatively; then maybe it is time for you to start a journey within your soul to determine when and how you are going to start the new path towards becoming accountable.

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Memoirs of a Geisha; one of the best books I have ever read in my whole life, and I assure that I have read a lot of books. The author was like an artist painting picture after picture of magnificent characters and events, forming a story that not only gave an insight to a beautiful culture like Japan’s, but also it was a documentation of history of an era that a whole country survived in unity and admirable dedication to patriotism.

From the first page of this novel, I got completely lost in the story and character of Chio or Sayuri at a later stage. Her childhood dreams and innocence were hijacked from her with cruelty, she was forced to grow up way too soon, and her intelligence and rare beauty were her only aids in many parts of her life.

Before I read this story; like most of the westerners or maybe the rest of the world; I thought that a geisha is a courtesan that sells her body by becoming every man’s fascination and dream; I couldn’t have been more wrong!

It turned out that a geisha’s life is a lot harder than I imagined in my wildest dreams; she is not allowed to choose anything in her life; all the major choices and life altering decisions are made for her by the Okea (house that keeps her) and by her elder sister who is bonded to her for life. She is not allowed to love or dream of a future; if she was lucky enough, she would get a good man for a Danna (protector).

I have to admit that I had very high expectations about the movie, and probably like all novels that turned into Hollywood movies; there is a certain degree of disappointment involved. Despite that; I think that the movie was very successful in capturing the most important stages in this little girl’s life, with some slight changes here and there, because if they wanted to capture every single detail; they might have come up with 3 series movies at least.

I am glad that I have read the book before watching the movie, because I know the real story and it adds to the fun to see it captured and real people performing the very same events that fascinated me while reading the novel.

I would recommend that you go watch the movie whether you read the novel or not, but if you have already started reading the novel or at least planning to; wait till you have read this wonderful story of culture, a country and a part of Japanese beauty; geisha.

On a side note; this is my post # 100, YAY!

I hope you enjoyed the ride as much as I did, and I assure that there is plenty where the first 100 came from so stay tuned.

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I think that by now, almost everyone had heard or read something about this work that created a lot of conflict in the Saudi community, and maybe in the region at large; I am referring to the novel “Banat Al Riyadh” for Raja’a Abdullah Al Sane’.

I have tried to pick up this book from our bookstores in town, but it was no where to be found, and it seems that the banning that was forced on it in Saudi has extended to reach the freedom that our own bookshelves enjoys most of the time.

After all my attempts to find this book failed, I resorted to the only left method; purchasing it online and finally got the book through “Adab wa Fan“.

Before turning the cover to start my journey with a new book, I took a look at the back and read a nice comment by Ghazi Al Quseibi, and I said to myself: if such a great writer of our time gives such a comment on this book, it must be good and worth reading.

I started reading and the pages kept turning; and I found myself fascinated by the author’s writing style that kept flowing, till I realized that I finished the 319 pages in one day literally. I really could not let the book down and was so into the characters, lived their turmoil and tragedies, was happy for their happiness and felt sorry for them at times.

The book is a collection of emails that the author started sending to an email group. She used to send an email every Friday and then sitting back and enjoying the reaction that included discussions in workplaces, some newspaper columns, some magazine articles and a lot of hate mail to the author herself.

The author succeeded in exposing the insider edition of what really goes on in the closed community that the heroines lived in. The four friends presented different models of modern Saudi women who are struggling in a society that insists on pushing the woman backwards, and I have to say that I admire and respect all these women that are truly out there fighting to induce change and make significant difference.

Some might argue that this is not a true representation of Saudi community or women for that matter, and this might have some truth to it, however; we cannot deny that these models do exist and not only in Saudi, but also in the Arab world as a whole.

Reading the stories of these 4 magnificent girls made me really happy that I live in a country that succeeded in liberating its communities enough to make us lead successful careers and create an opportunity for us to become independent, and when the man becomes a part of our lives, we have the ability to become interdependent with him, for that; we are truly lucky.

As I was reading the stories and following up on the events; I kept remembering the other famous four friends who were completely different in personalities, yet they shared a wonderful relationship and their friendship was stronger than men and time itself. Of course I am talking about Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte; the main characters in the very popular show; “Sex and the City”

I really recommend that you grab this book and read it; if not to get an internal view of these ladies’ closed lives, read it to get a feel of the author’s great writing that promises her with a bright future should she decide to pursue it, and promises us with good reading material that is highly needed in our world of today.

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To all participants in the JP Book Club; we have been contacted by Ms. Laura Haddad; the editor of the prestigious magazine VIVA; please see her comments on my blog and on Ohoud’s.

She is kindly extending an invitation to all of us to be part of the VIVA Book Club; isn’t that great?

Should you be interested to be a part of this club, please contact Ms. Haddad on her email address; vivaeditor[at]alfaridah[dot]com[dot]jo

Ms. Haddad, thank you for your invitation and kind initiative.

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My dear friend and fellow blogger Ohoud came up with a great idea; starting a book club on Jordan Planet.  

The debate has been going on for a couple of weeks now and we have finally settled down on a book for the next couple of weeks. The book is called Crescent by Diana Abu Jaber.

After reading the book, a discussion will be held on Ohoud’s blog, and Issam has promised us a dedicated section on JP for this purpose; thank you Issam.

Should anyone be interested to participate, please visit Ohoud’s blog here and get the details .. the more; the merrier.

Happy Reading!!

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