I guess it is true that you don’t know how tough you are until this is put to the test!!
The last few years of my life were a series of ups and downs and I am afraid more downs than ups; downfalls and bad events that left me at more than one point vulnerable and fragile. Bouncing back from these events was not as easy as I wished it had been; sometimes it took all the strength that I could gather from within myself to be able to turn things around and move on or start over …
Sometimes I feel like shouting at the top of my lungs because I cannot take it anymore, but the problem is that if I fall apart, it will be like a chain reaction and a lot of those around me will start falling apart as well and maybe in worse ways, so the tough part here is not actually being in a situation where you are about to crack and break down, but the fact that you cannot even allow yourself to fall because some people look up to you and see you as a stone that stands in the face of all difficulties and hardships, so if you break, it means that they don’t even stand a chance, so you feel that you are not even allowed to show the smallest signs of weakness and that on its own is very hard to achieve …
Maybe the hardest thing you can ever go through is the broken trust between you and close ones, when someone that you care about or love or respect breaks your trust, that hurts in the core and it is really hard to bounce back from, because without you noticing it or feeling it, you will be affected and trusting others becomes a major issue, you will start assuming the worst in everyone’s intentions and actions, because if that person whom you believed in and trusted did a horrible thing to you and did not even care how it will affect or hurt you, then how can you expect better from people you don’t even know? I know that some will say this is not right, but tell that to a hurt person … at least, one needs time to get over it …
The recent things that happened to me were harder than anyone can imagine, both on the personal and professional levels, things are really messed up; actually .. they are more messed up than they ever were before, yet I noticed that what is different is me and how I am dealing with the situation … I realized that if the same happened to me a few years ago, I would have definitely fallen apart and broken big time, but I am now more responsive than reactive … I rationalize things and try to always look at the bright side which is not as easy as it seems … I try to be as positive about it as I can but I cannot help the occasional break that takes me by surprise and at the worst times possible, and I try to keep things under control, but sometimes I feel that allowing these breaks to surface is what is keeping me together till now, so I let go when I can …
After all this time and the few ups and the many downs I have been through, I realized that I am tougher than I thought I was, and as good as this may seem, it is exhausting and consumes most of one’s energy, and most of the time, there isn’t much left for anything else!!!
P.S. Friends are great in these situations and I thank God for all the friends that I have … I am a luckier person to have them in my life and I thank them for all the love and support they give me without even asking for it … thank you all for being the gems in my messed up world … I love you all
I am not quite sure that this statement is true … or it might be true for certain behaviors but not the person … so do people really change??
Today was my birthday and I realized that people do not change as much as we would like to believe; they will still do that same things they always did and to a large extent, they become predictable to those around them, but again; isn’t that what we call characteristics of a personality??
I have come to find that jealous people will always envy you for what you have even if it was a piece of crap … selfish people will never learn how to give to others … angry people will never calm down and they will always find a way to make your life miserable because that is what they do … We will always lose friends to marriage … we will always have fights with our families … we will always feel stupid after we say something we don’t want to say … and it feels really silly that I am not able to talk about what is really bothering me …Do people change?
Life is all about surprises and mysteries. Sometimes you can actually explain some of the things that happen to you but most of the time, you just can’t.
As I sit here in the hotel lobby watching the Nile from the big French windows and enjoying the wonderful weather in Cairo, I looked around and started mentally noting down some of the not so common observations and I thought why not randomly script them down in a post?? It would be really good to remember these moments when I read this a few months or years down the line!!!
People here are smiling all the time which makes me feel a bit sad for our people in Jordan as we are frowning most of the time and we do not smile that often. So what makes these people all that smiley?? People are poor here and at home, they all talk politics just like back home, they have a far more horrific and heavy traffic than back home and Cairo is really big and overly populated than back home, so what do they have that we don’t and makes them smile? Is it the food? Water? Nature? Scenery? What makes them happy and us grumpy??? I really wonder …
Almost everyone smokes here … they smoke cigarettes, cigars, argeeleh, weed … etc.
The hold the cigarette as if they are nurturing it and they know that it is killing them but they love it. They want to have the liberty to smoke anywhere and at anytime which resembles people back home but I guess that we got used to the fact that more and more places are becoming smoke free and in my opinion; this is a blessing!!
I noticed that a lot of guys are holding man-purses here and I don’t see that in Amman. Can anyone tell me if this is a trend now???
Traveling in business class was REALLY GOOD
Traffic is a killer here … I literally preferred to have all my meetings in the hotel instead of wasting a good 2-3 hours on commuting back and forth between the hotel and the office and by that I saved almost 12 hours in my short stay … not bad, ha?
People here have a problem in showing up to meetings on time … they are always late!!! There was only the lawyer that we are dealing with; he is really punctual and professional and this is really good because it will not force me to keep dragging my appointment till after midnight and yeah, they really do not have a problem in working that late!!!
A lot of people here are constantly high on something!!!
The Nile is magical!!
They really have great shoes and handbags here … simply amazing!!
Semiramis Intercontinental Hotel is great and I have a wonderful room with a great view on the 16th floor … I wish I could take this view back home … we really need nicer views with water resources back home … wish that was possible!!
Yesterday; I passed by my friend at the Flavors Coffee Shop in Abdoun Mall where they have a small aquarium …
To tell you the truth; the last time I saw it I was really surprised at the size of the golden fish they have and I did not know that there are some golden fish of that size. There was this small lobster always at the bottom and I caught it n camera as it surfaced to the top which was another surprise because these species love staying at the bottom hidden between the rocks.
So as I was saying, when I passed by yesterday I found that they have added a huge fish from this brand that cleans the aquarium but it was sinking below and not doing anything … we thought that she was just getting used to the environment. A few minutes later; we saw the lobster attacking the new fish, it held the tail with its clamps and started biting and eating bits of that tail … I was so taken aback that I took my camera out and shot the whole scene …
The lobster would not budge no matter how hard we tried to scare it away by knocking on the glass so they had to intervene by entering a long stick to force the lobster to let go of the poor fish that could not move throughout the whole ordeal …
After all, size did not matter here … that little thing was so determined and would not be distracted at all … isn’t nature a strange magnificent thing?!!
You know that feeling when the end of the year approaches so fast that we cannot keep track of what we are doing Vs what needs to be done before the clock ticks ending the deadline? It seems that most of what we are doing these days is tied to a deadline or an expiry date and we find ourselves saying over and again: I need to do this and that before something happens; the keyword here being: BEFORE!!
Maybe that’s why we stopped enjoying life as we are supposed to, we no longer stop to smell the roses because we have to reach the destination or goal before time ticks ending our chance or before someone else reaches it and takes our catch … we have become so competitive that we do not care about how we do things as long as we win in the end … we no longer feel good because we finished a project or reached a goal … we feel good because we did that before someone else did or before the deadline …
We do not enjoy the ride, we do not pay attention to the good things around us because we are so focused on ending before it is too late as if we are being chased or pushed to do these things … we tend to forget that when we work, we do that for ourselves and no one else, we are the ones who benefit and learn … but shouldn’t we enjoy that as well??
Time flies and never stops for anything or anyone … it is the only thing that keeps moving despite all changes and factors … it affects things and people but does not get affected … it is the material of our lives yet we are willingly sacrificing it to do things that don’t really matter … we try to convince ourselves that we are doing what we have to do but how sincere and honest are we in confronting ourselves when it comes to how we invest in our time??
I know I have been truly busy lately and things were too cluttered in my mind and around me, but the reason that I cannot complain about it is that I am truly enjoying my crazy times … I am working with people that I admire and learn from and such professional atmosphere is a dream come true for someone like me … I have been working, traveling and spending more time with family and friends … I lost some friends and gained new ones … as we grow older, our choosing criteria become different and more specific … we become more clear on what works for us and what doesn’t and what crowd to hang out with and what crowd to stay away from … we become less tolerant when it comes to our beliefs because we already established a strong base on which we build further … it is not time to put foundations because this is done already and now it is time to build and grow …
2007 is ending … as I review it; I realize that I have achieved big milestones and a lot more smaller ones … so many events took place … I met a lot of new people and befriended them … some of them became best friends … some friends magically dropped out and are no longer a part of my life; by choice or not, it does not matter really as the result is the same … some friends were estranged and I do not see them as much as I would love to but the beauty of the friendship is that no matter how we stay away; when we do meet; it is like we were never apart!!
Crazy times are ruling our lives but the way to deal with it in my opinion, is to enjoy the ride while it lasts
