I leave this to you to comment and voice out your opinions …

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Ramadan is a visitor that shows up once a year; we see a lot of actions and reactions before, during and after this month yet we receive it with the excitement and greetings year in and year out because it symbolizes a lot of things to us. It is the month when we feel closer to God, it is the month that we see people’s behaviors when they are fasting and angry about it, we see them going into consumption and buying frenzy, we see them driving like maniacs and having street fights, we see all sorts of negative attitudes and people refer it to the fact that they cannot drink, eat or smoke.

On the other hand; we see people visiting each other more, we see them praying more, we see them helping each other more, we see them supporting those who are needier or poorer and they feel happy about it because they get this satisfying feeling of doing what is right even for once a year.

In old days, Ramadan was a sacred time for the whole family … I remember when we used to invite people over for Iftar and Gatayef … I remember how my mother used to take advantage of the long fasting hours to prepare meals that take time like wara2 3enab, kobbeh, sheshbarak, and many others … I remember how my grandmother (Allah bless her soul) used to bake bread for us right before Iftar and we used to consume it as if there was no other food … I remember my grandfather (Allah bless his soul) when he used to come to our house in Ramadan and Eid with his pockets filled with candy for us … AAHHH!! Those were the days!!

I also remember that people used to be more respectful for others’ feelings in Ramadan … if for any reason someone was not able to fast or even chose not to fast, they were discreet about it because they were tactful and courteous towards others. Unfortunately; what we see these days is that not only people choose not to fast but they also make sure everyone around them knows that they are choosing not to fast and practically rubbing food, drink and cigarettes in fasters’ faces; now that’s what I call rude, disrespectful and totally vulgar.

We see our Christian colleagues and friends supportive of us practicing our beliefs and there is no limit to our appreciation of what they do (or don’t do) but it is our Muslim brothers and sisters who are showing this much of disrespect to us and to our belief. It saddens me when I see such behaviors from educated adults who are well aware of what they are doing. I know that some of you will say: if you don’t like or approve, just look the other way and I can always do that but when people challenge and dare others, laugh in their faces as if they are not doing anything wrong … now that truly pisses me off … imagine when you have to wake up in the morning and go to work only to find someone who is drinking coffee with the smell climbing up to your brain through your nose and you cannot taste it … imagine if you were a smoker and craved a cigarette while someone is blowing the smoke in your face … or if in the middle of the day when you are hungry and cannot focus on your work, someone walks in with a sandwich and eats it while you are smelling and looking … that’s truly a sad thing to witness and believe me I did see it and was speechless as people who are that rude, can come up with any sort of answer if you even point out that if what they are doing is wrong or shameful …

I am really sorry and disappointed when I see such things and I reach a stage where I feel disgusted that we reached such a phase in our lives that people have and show no consideration or respect to others’ feelings and it makes me really scared of what is yet to come and what role model are we setting for the coming generations …

رمضان كريم … وكل عام وأنتم بخير

أعاده الله على الجميع باليمن والبركة

There comes a time in one’s life when he/she gets ready to fly out of the nest that sheltered him/her all their lives. It is the time when one sets off to a new adventure and a new life where he/she has to depend on themselves to take decisions and choose paths of life. It is only normal that one day, kids will grow up and leave their parents’ home to start their own with the people they chose and loved.

I haven’t experienced the parenthood feeling yet and most probably; I do not know what I am talking about here, but nonetheless; I will try to document my thoughts here so that we can share a clearer perspective on the whole thing.

For parents; sons and daughters are the most important thing in their lives. That is why they work hard to provide them with a decent life and that is why they go out of their way to make sure that their children have everything they need until they reach the stage when they don’t need them as before and they are ready to go out to life and be on their own.

In the Arab World, we tend to hang on to our children more than any part of the world and I cannot help but wonder that this has to do with us Arabs being more emotional than any other nation in the world. Whether it is fear for them or overprotection; the result is still the same, we tend to put obstacles in front of them to keep them close to us for the longest time possible.

A clear example of this issue is the way that a mother hangs on to her son even after he gets married and makes his wife’s life a living hell with her middling and interference because in her mind, his wife does not know what she is doing and of course she does not understand her son like she, his own mother, does. Also, she would middle in her daughter’s relationship with her husband because she is convinced that her son in law does not treat his wife (her daughter) like he should and I think that we have seen this story many times in the movies; mothers in law are depicted as evil creatures who don’t know where, when or how to stop.

We also see how a father would force his choice on his children; he tried to draw their lives for them by choosing the future family in law for them. The son must not go for the girl that he met in university and fell in love with because his dad’s plan is to marry the daughter of dad’s business partner, or the cousin or whatever. On the other hand, daughters are not even allowed to discuss the idea of marrying a man of choice; that is out of the question and when he thinks of a suitable marriage for his daughter, it has to be according to his standards and not her choice.

OK, I know that this does not apply to everyone and that people are changing, however; a lot of parents still enforce their custody over their children’s choices. Some of them do not have plans, but they middle out of fear of the future, like when someone proposes to his daughter, he starts picturing their life in the future and how he is afraid that this man will not be good to his daughter and that she will lead a miserable life with him, simply because he does not approve of his personality or financial status and refuses to see things from the daughter’s perspective because she does not know what is good for her!!

Let me ask another question here; what happened to believing in fate? What if she marries the best man in the world and he dies one month later? How does that fit in the calculations of choosing a good life for their daughters?
What happened to our prophet (PBUH) telling us that the best man is the one who knows his faith very well and is not the wealthier or the most handsome. He also told us that the best woman is not the prettiest or the richest, but is rather the one who knows her faith and applies it to her life.

How do you know (as a father) that this man proposing to your daughter is not the best thing that happened to her? How can you predict that he will be bad for her and make up your mind based on predictions that may or may not be true? How do you know that you are not making a huge mistake that only your daughter will suffer from?

It amazes me how parents raise their children well, send them to schools and universities, allows them to go out and experience the work life, yet when it comes to the most important decision of their lives, i.e. choosing a life partner; they just don’t trust them with that and feel that they should make up that for them.

Is it disappointment that your son or daughter did not pick someone that fits your taste and standards? Do you feel disappointed that they are people of their own mind and will not allow you to pick for them? Do you feel that it is your right as a father to make these decisions for them?

I am really looking for some input here, from fathers, mothers, sons and daughters. What do you think?

Yesterday; I attended a wedding party for one of my best friends; another experience in weddings in Jordan and witnessing the same old things happen. Don’t get me wrong; I had a wonderful time and the bride was absolutely stunning and her groom was so happy and literally flying and their happiness reflected on everyone else

1000 mabrook Rasha

Now back to the main topic of this post, I guess you can tell from the subject line what I want to talk about. The wedding was segregated by gender which means women had a party and men had a totally different party.

For the record; I am against these kinds of parties because chaos conquers in them. I believe that it is tidier and classier for the whole family to be seated on the table rather than the man sitting in a room and the woman and kids in a different one, because men do not and will not take the kids with them; they are too much trouble and too much to handle. When the whole family is in the same place; it is more likely for them to stay put and for the kids to be less chaotic and I have seen this so many times.

Some argue that they segregate weddings from a cultural and religious point of view, because girls/women want to be free to take off the veils and show off their not so conservative dresses and they cannot do that in a mixed party. Those who do it from a cultural point of view do it because they do not appreciate other men seeing their wives/daughters/sisters/mothers, they just remove the headache by segregating the party and herding men in a room where they can see them

Those who do it from a religious point of view rightfully believe that their wives/daughters/sisters/mothers must not appear in party clothes and veil-less in front of strange men and I cannot/will not argue that. Again; they put men away in a room and serve them some of the wedding goodies without participating in the party.

Also; in segregated parties; the bride and groom do not get to stay together for the whole party, in the middle of the party; the groom is snatched away from his bride and goes to the men’s party while the bride celebrates with the women; what is the fun in that??

At the end of the party; the groom comes back again and they have half an hour with the families for the photo shoot and then off they go to their house or the hotel and with that the wedding party comes to an end!!

What I was wondering about since yesterday; what is the point of having parties of this kind when the bride and groom cannot be together? How is this a wedding and not bachelorette + bachelor parties? Why do girls like wearing not so conservative clothes to weddings? Why not wear something nice and conservative at the same time?

Another question comes to mind; how do men rest assured that their wives/daughters/sisters/mothers are safe from spying eyes when almost every single person in the room has a mobile phone with a fancy camera that takes nice clear photos? Do they depend on people’s integrity not to share photos with others, or not to take photos in the first place?

I will leave you with the thought that when you hear that there are security guards at weddings confiscating mobile phones and digital cams from guests; don’t be so surprised!!

Hala 3ammi