I am not quite sure that this statement is true … or it might be true for certain behaviors but not the person … so do people really change??

Today was my birthday and I realized that people do not change as much as we would like to believe; they will still do that same things they always did and to a large extent, they become predictable to those around them, but again; isn’t that what we call characteristics of a personality??

I have come to find that jealous people will always envy you for what you have even if it was a piece of crap … selfish people will never learn how to give to others … angry people will never calm down and they will always find a way to make your life miserable because that is what they do … We will always lose friends to marriage … we will always have fights with our families … we will always feel stupid after we say something we don’t want to say … and it feels really silly that I am not able to talk about what is really bothering me …Do people change?

I vote … NO

A lot of talk has been going on about government placing cameras to stop indecent acts by youths who practically are doing it in the car!! Some are saying that this is a form of religious police who will bind people’s freedoms and that our liberal Jordan will not be so liberal any more.

Let us look at this scenario a bit closely, those are against the government decision think of these indecent acts as acts of love and affection and that we as “the others” should turn the other way, mind our business, let these kids be with what they are doing and if we don’t like it to happen in front of us then we should give them more freedom to check in rooms and be out of sight.

The question is: why should I give such compromises when these kids are actually forcing their acts on me in a space that belongs to everyone? Why should I accept that what belongs behind closed doors becomes so public and normal practice? Why should I accept to expose my kids to this and how can I explain it to them? Why am I supposed to look the other way when these people are in plain sight and there for everyone to watch and see? Why should I respect their wishes when they are not even acknowledging mine?

We are not encouraging censoring people’s acts because it is none of our business to middle in theirs but when they trespass and force their actions on us right there in the public highway, well; that is totally a different story. This is an area that belongs to everyone and what we do there should be acceptable by everyone because that’s just the logical way of thinking. If I am about to do something that will grab attention or be found out of the norm, then I am in the wrong place and I should take it elsewhere.

Those who are against the move are defending the rights of these young couples to practice “love” freely, but what about everyone else’s right in not being exposed to something that is against their beliefs and standards. Why should everyone tolerate what a minority think is hip, modern and civilized? Would they accept it if those others started practicing their beliefs in public?

A while ago; a lot of people started using the side way on airport road as picnic areas and almost everyone thought this was out of place and that government should do something about it and we were all thankful when it did. Why should this scenario be different?

There was an old saying that goes like this: your freedom stops when everyone else’s starts. So it is my right to go out in the street and be anywhere and know that I will not be exposed to a scene that belongs in a bedroom especially that those streets have children and people who come from different cultures and backgrounds. Such acts will only encourage acts of hate and extremism and this is in no way for the best interest and benefit of the community at large.

This kind of thinking makes me wonder: why do we have bedrooms in our homes? If it is acceptable for us to see “love acts” in public, why are we decent at home? Why don’t people do it just in front of anyone if this is what freedom entails? Why do we need closed doors? Why do we teach our kids to be decent? Why do we teach them privacy?

As far as I know, such “love acts” in public are not acceptable in western countries as well and people look at them as indecent. Some countries go as far as placing those cameras and other countries have police officers roaming the areas at night to make sure that such violations are not taking place, so why are we calling for opening the door for something the whole world is trying to shove back behind closed doors????

It has been a bit over 10 years since I graduated university. Although I still remember it as if it was yesterday, I have to acknowledge the years’ effect on me … what 10 years can do to a person is tremendous if you come to think of it.

I was going through Layalina Magazine the other day and I came across a page where they featured the American School Reunion for the class of 1991. If I had been in that school, I would have attended that reunion, but some of my college colleagues were there and I could recognize a lot of the photos.

When you look at yourself in the mirror every day, you will not notice the age lines that form on your face with the passing years and you will not see the big difference until someone points it out to you. When I looked at these familiar faces in the magazine, I was shocked as they looked really older, they were not necessarily old and senile, but they looked so mature, tired and older. So I started saying to myself: WOW! If they have changed that much, I must have changed as well and if they were to see me now, they would be as surprised as I am!!!

I remember these guys when we were attending lectures and labs together, how they used to chase each other in the faculty corridors and halls, how we went together on picnics and played ball and sang together. I remember how we studied together and revised our answers after each exam and how we teased each other when we got the results and some had really high grades … it all seems like yesterday when I remember these things and now when I look at their images … I see my own reflection only 10 years later

It is really funny what a year can do to us, how about 10!!

It seems to me that time is flying and sometimes I even feel that I lost some stages in my life in my memory, as if I cannot locate a face or an event. During these 10 years, I met thousands of people, I traveled many places, worked in many companies and in many fields, fell in and out of love, formed many friendships, matured in my emotions and feelings … all that and as much as I feel that I have changed inside, when I go back 10 years, I am that young girl who did not know what the future was hiding for her …

Strange feelings of nice memories and even stranger feelings of realizing that I am no longer that young girl … I realized that I am a different person altogether and if I were to attend such a reunion, I probably would not get along with my old colleagues and friends especially that each went his/her own way after graduation. We met randomly along the years, but it was awkward and brief.

10 years would change us both physically and mentally … I wonder what things would be like 10 years from now … would I look at my current friends and get that distant feeling of nice times we had together? Or would I still have them on my side where we can look back together and capture those distant moments and smile about it? I guess only another 10 years would tell!!!

Yesterday, I went out with a friend of mine to one of the prominent coffee shops in Mecca Mall. You see, we like going there because it has large windows and we can sit inside while breathing fresh air and they make great coffee, so there we were on one of our favorite tables and peacefully munching our dinner when a guy and two girls came in and sat right in front of us.

Now, there isn’t anything strange about this scene as many people go out in groups and eat or drink; this is really not the issue. What was really obvious is that the guy formed a couple with one of the girls and the other girl was there like a third wheel, but that also is normal … I mean you can go out with your girlfriend and her friend might/can tag along, so we are still OK …

Some time went by and then we noticed that the girl was all touchy feely with the guy; she would put her hand over his, or just makes sure that she touches all the skin on his arm when she extends her hand to get a tissue or whatever … it was too obvious that we could not NOT notice, but we brushed it off …

After a while, the guy started touching back, by pinching a cheek here or holding a hand there … then she would sneak her hand under his arm in an attempt to hold his other hand or just touch it lightly … but we said to ourselves, well; maybe we are just too old fashioned or maybe this is the new trend in dating in Amman … who knows?

Then we noticed that there was a whole other scene under the table … they were seriously all over each other … she would but her feet over his, or he would touch her leg, or she would cross her legs only to touch him on the knee with her foot … and I was “this” close to shouting: get a room, will ya?!!!

Not only is this action tasteless and shameless, but it is also strange to happen in a public place in a mall … I am not that naive and I know that there are places where such things happen but certainly not in a coffee shop in a mall with very clear sharp lights and while you are seated very close to the next table … I mean come on! When did we lose all manners and morals … will someone tell me: is this normal???

What is happening to this generation? Even if they were engaged or married, does this justify such behavior? Is flirtation a part of dating these days? Have we become like western countries where the date should end with a kiss at the door? If this girl was seen by her father, brother or even her cousin while she was all over that guy, would she continue what she was doing without even blinking or would she worry that there would be severe consequences? If that guy saw his sister or even cousin in the position of the girl who was with him, I wonder how he would react!!

In a community that is drowning in double standards and culture of shame, it comes as a shock that we see such behaviors in public places which makes me wonder, did people stop caring suddenly? Or did the standards change? Or are we getting into a new era that has no limits or boundaries???? :S

What is it about a sleepless night that turns us into grumpy upset people? Is it that our bodies and brains did not get enough rest or is it that we are lazy creatures that cannot function unless we take off periods that make at least one third of our lives??

You can tell that I had a really lousy night and that I did not get enough sleep, add that to a hectic day full of meetings, covering for absent employees (my staff), complaints and requests flying all over the place and your friends ditching you at lunch time … if that is not a fatal combination for a grumpy lousy bad crappy mood and attitude; I seriously don’t know what is!!!

I had a meeting after work last night and it was a bit past 10 when I headed home. I wanted to pass by the supermarket to buy something and withdraw some cash, so I stopped by Safeway on my way home. Not only was it full and the people were lined up in tens waiting for their turn to reach the cash register, but the place was so full of kids :S
Wherever I looked, there were kids … they were shouting, playing race with the shopping carts and screaming at their parents that they want to buy this or that; I guess that they must have mistaken the superstore to be the park, playground or even wonderland … My God!!! What is wrong with these people?? It is a school night and kids are still shopping at 11 in the night? Is this normal? Am I being too picky here? When we were young kids, we used to be in bed by 8 or 9 max, so what are these kids still doing or more importantly, what are the parents thinking???

I just left the place without buying anything because getting anything would have meant standing in line for 15 – 20 minutes and I was dead tired by then with a bad mood that wouldn’t have been able to handle the noise so I decided to head home for everyone’s benefit including mine.

When I reached home, it was almost 11:15 and what is that? More kids in the street!!! :S :S
How are they going to be disciplined? How are they going to respect time and commitments if they cannot be trained to sleep early in school nights? Call me nuts, but I really believe that these are related and teaching these behaviors to children (positive or negative) will alter and affect the outcome of their futures.

No wonder we have so many inconsiderate people, no wonder we suffer from lack or morals wherever we go, it is not shocking then that we see rudeness as the norm, not surprising at all that we look at the polite with an exclamation point written all over our faces. It is the upbringing and the way one was raised that determines what type of a person he/she might become in the future, so if the mother was careless enough and the father was absent minded enough to leave their kids without so much to train them how to be committed serious people, then the coming generation would be a lot worse and more lost than the ones we currently have!!

Maybe this is my sleep deprived brain talking, or my deeper subconscious trying to break free, but I do believe that with each passing day, the crisis is growing bigger and a lot of people are becoming parents without being prepared for the role so they learn as they go, but I wonder where they are getting their knowledge because what we are witnessing is not a nice result by a far shot.

Having children might be the biggest responsibility one can claim by choice because you will be bringing human beings into this world, and since they did not choose to come in the first place or choose you yourself as their parent, you are obliged to do your utmost best to make sure you prepare them for life and give them a good future that allows them to move on and create more generations. Parenthood is not a journey in the park nor is it a fairy tale; it is a lot of hard work, commitment and dedication with a mix of tender loving care (TLC), parenting means that you will give up your life willingly for 20 something years until your kids are well on their way in life and even then you will still give them a big part of your life because that’s what it is all about … it is for this purpose that God demands respect and care for the parents but parents have to earn that by doing their job properly!!

I think that having children is very beautiful yet very scary, it is miraculous but risky, it is something that must not be taken lightly and I never seize to be amazed how a lot of people do just that!!!

Summer season is officially back with all its parties and family gatherings. It is like people wait all year long till these few months to finish all their social obligations whether they were weddings, engagements or even family parties. It happens to be that all graduations happen in the summer, students finish their exams in summer and holiday season also falls in the summer.

It is true that summer is easier than winter for all activities but it is turning into a summer of craziness and frenzy. By the time the sun starts shining every day and the temperature starts rising up that the girls start wearing less and less. We have become used to the mini clothes and exposed flesh with every passing year.

Yesterday was full; we had an engagement party for my sister and I have to say that I was really shocked with the outfits that the girls are wearing, as if you will not be trendy unless you wear as less as possible or as revealing as you can get away with. I remember ten or fifteen years ago, we were more shy back then and we would not wear anything that exposes more than half of our arms, but I guess people change with time or maybe we start seeing things differently when we grow older.

Anyway; the party was really nice and longer than I expected, because in these types of parties, people come and go very quickly but this one lasted for 4 hours or so. Of course; my day started really early because I had the task of driving the bride to the salon and stay with her to make sure that everything is done by the book, then drive her home, but one of her friends came over and insisted to drive her home so she followed me and the party officially started when we arrived.

Some of my foreign friends came to the party and shared the joy with me; the lovely Kinzi, Momma beans and Teta Beans and two of Kinzi’s friends; Ruth and Emilie. This was a good opportunity for them to experience a Jordanian party with all its ins and outs and they had so much fun. My eldest aunt approached Ruth asking her if she would accept marriage to her son and she was so insisting and would not let it go until they promised her that they will look for someone and get back to her. I guess that my aunt was living the American dream all the way from Jordan and was trying to assure a better future for son and no one can blame her, yalla 3o2bal el 7abayeb.

At the end of it; this was a very long happy day and I am really grateful that it ended OK and would be even more grateful if people stop wishing me a husband like saying: don’t be sad, maybe God will finally send you a husband!!!
This happened a lot yesterday and was so annoying and really impolite, but I can’t change the world as much as I can change my attitude on how to react to it!!!

Now; I really do not get it when people put themselves in danger line like that!!

This is a wild beast that will never be tame; the minute it got a chance it was allover the poor fellow and I guess he and the beast are dead now … why would he go in the cage anyway???

Scary

Yesterday was very long and exhausting with all the preparations for my brother and sister’s arrival from USA. My mother was very excited and of course got us all working and preparing the meals and sweets that my brother is craving; he was away for almost two years after all.

He was supposed to arrive on Friday but his domestic flight into Chicago was delayed by an unexpected storm and it happens that on that particular day, RJ decided to be punctual and this led my brother and sister to miss their flight to Amman. To be precise; they have arrived before the take off but RJ staff would not allow them in and said that it was not their responsibility that they were delayed. Therefore; they had to stay in Chicago over night and catch the next flight to Amman.

Yesterday; RJ was delayed for an hour and a half in Chicago so we headed off to the airport to be there when they arrive. The flight arrived and we started watching passengers going out and meeting their waiting families with lots of hugs, smiles, laughs and tears. The terminal was literally full of people and 80% of them were smoking despite all the “No Smoking” signs and the fact that the airport is actually a “Smoke Free Zone”. It seemed that all smokers have a tendency to disobey and disrespect all the rules and laws when it comes to their cigarette cravings. They handle this issue as if the world and everyone in it owes them something and that they should be allowed to do whatever they wanted and get away with it.

When you have a couple of hundred people smoking in the same space; what do you think will happen? You got it; the fire alarm was set off and boy was it noisy!

It kept ringing for almost 10 minutes and I kept looking around and people were still smoking and lighting up new cigarettes and at the same time having a big frown on their faces exclaiming why this alarm would not stop ringing!!

This got me wondering; why do all smokers have this tendency to break the law? Why are they so careless about the wellbeing of others? Why do they put others in danger and act as if it is their right to do so? Why do they think that they can get away with it?

I will tell you why …

Because the “No Smoking” signs are just that; signs. They were put there to make us believe that we are doing something about the health risk that smoking causes, they are there to make us believe that we are acting to enhance our image since we are on top of the list of countries with alarmingly high rates of cancer, they are there to tell people who object to smoking and smokers that there is something being done, but the sad truth is that people are bragging about breaking this simple law; they smoke right under the sign and show it off.

It seems to me that signs stating certain laws in the country like “No Smoking”, “STOP”, “Give Priority” and the likes are just there to give us the illusion of being a civilized community, while in reality; all these signs mean absolutely nothing if not followed. If people are left to their own judgment; they will always be inclined to break the law if they know that they can get away with it.

My uncle lives in France. When my dad visited him once and he took him out for a ride, my dad noticed that my uncle was stopping at every “STOP” sign even if the street was completely empty and he could really get away with it, so dad asked him: why don’t you just keep going if the street is empty? My uncle answered: if I do not stop, I will be paying a huge fine and maybe persecuted, so it is better safe than sorry because you never know when there is a policeman standing around the corner!!

Why don’t we have the same level of law enforcement? Isn’t it better to have laws that are followed than having signs that are not respected and are disregarded at every chance people can get away with it? How can we create the urge to respect the law even if there is no one watching? I suggest that the government starts fining these law breakers every chance they get because only then, we can say that we are a community that respects the law and does not break it, because what are the chances that someone who breaks a small law would have a higher inclination to break much bigger and more important more critical laws?

Anyway; my brother and sister arrived safely but their luggage didn’t!!!

Let’s hope that RJ can locate them and bring them back!!!

This is one of the things that keep happening to us over the time and during all work experiences. It happens that when you start dealing with someone on daily basis, you become friends and maybe even best friends without you even noticing. You start going out together for movies or just to hang out, and then you start confiding in each other pouring your heart concerns and you talk about your personal issues with them, you ask them for advice and you give them some in return, you talk and you listen and all of a sudden you are friends who work together and not coworkers who became friends.

The question is however; is this wise?

When emotions get in the way of a professional relationship, the outcome can never be predicted and the reason is that emotions trigger reactions we can never expect and this might hurt both the business and personal relationships you share. If your conflict comes from business related matters, you might not forgive your friend for not favoring you and cutting you some slack and if the conflict is personal, you will start picking on each other at work which will affect both your works and might affect the atmosphere you share at the workplace altogether.

I am not saying that coworkers can never become friends but there is a missing ingredient in such a relationship and that ingredient is moderation and balance. If you know how to be moderate and balanced in the way you feel towards your friend and you know how to separate your professional life from your private life, you might actually get a shot at this. The other important ingredient is for your friend to understand this and be able to do the same, because this is a two way street and as they say; it takes two to make it or break it and you can never work a relationship on his own; a relationship no matter what type, needs a lot of work from all parties involved to maintain and grow it.

In my experience working in different companies and with a wide variety of people, friendship and business do not mix without consequences, and that is why they call it: conflict of interest. In our human nature, we are more likely to practice nepotism and without even noticing that we are doing so. We tend to make us excuses to our friends even if we know that they do not deserve that and sometimes, we might forgive them for mistakes that if done by someone else, they would never get the same feedback or treatment, and the problem is that the more special treatment you show, the more they will demand out of you which eventually leads to a disaster, because then the mistake gets magnified tens of times and the way back is too steep and difficult to walk.

I found out that being friends in the same workplace makes disappointments hurt much worse and reactions become emotional and uncalculated, so the chances are higher that you will end up losing this friend and maybe even consider quitting your job because you cannot handle dealing with this person on daily basis and not being able to talk to them like you used to do. I also found out that if you leave your job at one point, your relationship with your friends become stronger because you do not have to worry about the conflict of interest any more and your friend is just your friend which gives you more freedom to talk and most importantly, your work is not a talking material any more and it is not getting in the way of growing this friendship or nurturing it.

My advice to all of you out there; be careful of this dangerous mixture because the consequences are severe and if you have any doubt in your mind that you both cannot be objective enough to work through this relationship, chances are you are right and you should keep things in a clear perspective so that not to regret later. Life can surprise us and sometimes shock us with things that come from those who are closer to us the most and that’s when it hurts bad and might change your views about friends for good.

So, can coworkers be friends?

I say: probably but not likely!