In this time and age, we still strive for miracles to take us by surprise and somehow change our lives for the better, we still have high hopes to witness a great shift in our environment and surrounding; one that is unlikely and maybe even impossible, yet hope is a human nature that one cannot stop willingly … even those who are pessimistic or depressed, it is a myth that lost all hope because they still hope for something to give … an ending … a closure … anything!!!

I am sitting here and thinking about how this human characteristic is actually controlling us … at least subconsciously, otherwise; why do we keep doing the things that we do???

They say that if you want to change something, begin with yourself, but here is the thing, what if you did? what if you changed and tried to affect others and induce this change but it wasn’t enough? and it never is??? What now? Keep on going with the change or just go back to the old way that seems the norm where everyone else is concerned? What now?

For example; I really hate it when drivers cut in front of you at a traffic light, blocking the left lane altogether just to make it to the beginning of the line, and then maneuver to cut in front of you so that they don’t hit the island in the middle and you have to get out of the way … he is more important than you, his time is more valuable, he is more skillful than you and you have to live with that … it does not really matter if you are following every rule and law and going by the book, because those who don’t get to do that to you and piss you off and just drive away .. and if you don’t like it … that is your problem!!

You might argue that this has been the case for ever and that I should be used to it by now, but you see, I keep asking myself, why should I accept this? what changed that I cannot even tolerate these things any more? is this a part of growing older? or am I just becoming intolerant? maybe it is me!! or maybe I need a major change in my life to make it worth while because right now, I don’t really see the point of it!!

WHO CARES????

I guess it is true that you don’t know how tough you are until this is put to the test!!

The last few years of my life were a series of ups and downs and I am afraid more downs than ups; downfalls and bad events that left me at more than one point vulnerable and fragile. Bouncing back from these events was not as easy as I wished it had been; sometimes it took all the strength that I could gather from within myself to be able to turn things around and move on or start over …

Sometimes I feel like shouting at the top of my lungs because I cannot take it anymore, but the problem is that if I fall apart, it will be like a chain reaction and a lot of those around me will start falling apart as well and maybe in worse ways, so the tough part here is not actually being in a situation where you are about to crack and break down, but the fact that you cannot even allow yourself to fall because some people look up to you and see you as a stone that stands in the face of all difficulties and hardships, so if you break, it means that they don’t even stand a chance, so you feel that you are not even allowed to show the smallest signs of weakness and that on its own is very hard to achieve …

Maybe the hardest thing you can ever go through is the broken trust between you and close ones, when someone that you care about or love or respect breaks your trust, that hurts in the core and it is really hard to bounce back from, because without you noticing it or feeling it, you will be affected and trusting others becomes a major issue, you will start assuming the worst in everyone’s intentions and actions, because if that person whom you believed in and trusted did a horrible thing to you and did not even care how it will affect or hurt you, then how can you expect better from people you don’t even know? I know that some will say this is not right, but tell that to a hurt person … at least, one needs time to get over it …

The recent things that happened to me were harder than anyone can imagine, both on the personal and professional levels, things are really messed up; actually .. they are more messed up than they ever were before, yet I noticed that what is different is me and how I am dealing with the situation … I realized that if the same happened to me a few years ago, I would have definitely fallen apart and broken big time, but I am now more responsive than reactive … I rationalize things and try to always look at the bright side which is not as easy as it seems … I try to be as positive about it as I can but I cannot help the occasional break that takes me by surprise and at the worst times possible, and I try to keep things under control, but sometimes I feel that allowing these breaks to surface is what is keeping me together till now, so I let go when I can …

After all this time and the few ups and the many downs I have been through, I realized that I am tougher than I thought I was, and as good as this may seem, it is exhausting and consumes most of one’s energy, and most of the time, there isn’t much left for anything else!!!

P.S. Friends are great in these situations and I thank God for all the friends that I have … I am a luckier person to have them in my life and I thank them for all the love and support they give me without even asking for it … thank you all for being the gems in my messed up world … I love you all

You know that feeling when the end of the year approaches so fast that we cannot keep track of what we are doing Vs what needs to be done before the clock ticks ending the deadline? It seems that most of what we are doing these days is tied to a deadline or an expiry date and we find ourselves saying over and again: I need to do this and that before something happens; the keyword here being: BEFORE!!

Maybe that’s why we stopped enjoying life as we are supposed to, we no longer stop to smell the roses because we have to reach the destination or goal before time ticks ending our chance or before someone else reaches it and takes our catch … we have become so competitive that we do not care about how we do things as long as we win in the end … we no longer feel good because we finished a project or reached a goal … we feel good because we did that before someone else did or before the deadline …

We do not enjoy the ride, we do not pay attention to the good things around us because we are so focused on ending before it is too late as if we are being chased or pushed to do these things … we tend to forget that when we work, we do that for ourselves and no one else, we are the ones who benefit and learn … but shouldn’t we enjoy that as well??

Time flies and never stops for anything or anyone … it is the only thing that keeps moving despite all changes and factors … it affects things and people but does not get affected … it is the material of our lives yet we are willingly sacrificing it to do things that don’t really matter … we try to convince ourselves that we are doing what we have to do but how sincere and honest are we in confronting ourselves when it comes to how we invest in our time??

I know I have been truly busy lately and things were too cluttered in my mind and around me, but the reason that I cannot complain about it is that I am truly enjoying my crazy times … I am working with people that I admire and learn from and such professional atmosphere is a dream come true for someone like me … I have been working, traveling and spending more time with family and friends … I lost some friends and gained new ones … as we grow older, our choosing criteria become different and more specific … we become more clear on what works for us and what doesn’t and what crowd to hang out with and what crowd to stay away from … we become less tolerant when it comes to our beliefs because we already established a strong base on which we build further … it is not time to put foundations because this is done already and now it is time to build and grow …

2007 is ending … as I review it; I realize that I have achieved big milestones and a lot more smaller ones … so many events took place … I met a lot of new people and befriended them … some of them became best friends … some friends magically dropped out and are no longer a part of my life; by choice or not, it does not matter really as the result is the same … some friends were estranged and I do not see them as much as I would love to but the beauty of the friendship is that no matter how we stay away; when we do meet; it is like we were never apart!!

Crazy times are ruling our lives but the way to deal with it in my opinion, is to enjoy the ride while it lasts

Happy Eid to everyone …

When I first heard the word blog, I was completely ignorant and clueless about its meaning … I did not know what to think or how to have a blog … but when I started reading more about it and discovered how easy and quick it is to create and maintain a blog … I was there in no time and here I am two years later, proud of this space and loving it as the first day I started it …

It is true that starting a blog is not that hard, but the maintenance needs a passion for writing and some spare time on your hands to keep in touch with your friends and readers … I admit that I have been under-performing lately … I just don’t know how time flies … I start my day in the morning and one thing after the other … poof … it is time to go home … how crazy is that??

I have enjoyed my two years of blogging and the most important advantage … besides speaking my mind of course … is meeting all those great people that I miss dearly and haven’t seen in a long time … I am glad that November is coming to an end because it was a crazy month by all means … so many things have happened and now it is time to cool down with December and its Eid, Christmas and holidays …

To all my friends and readers … I love you very very very much and I miss you all

Thank you for keeping up with me