You know that feeling when the end of the year approaches so fast that we cannot keep track of what we are doing Vs what needs to be done before the clock ticks ending the deadline? It seems that most of what we are doing these days is tied to a deadline or an expiry date and we find ourselves saying over and again: I need to do this and that before something happens; the keyword here being: BEFORE!!

Maybe that’s why we stopped enjoying life as we are supposed to, we no longer stop to smell the roses because we have to reach the destination or goal before time ticks ending our chance or before someone else reaches it and takes our catch … we have become so competitive that we do not care about how we do things as long as we win in the end … we no longer feel good because we finished a project or reached a goal … we feel good because we did that before someone else did or before the deadline …

We do not enjoy the ride, we do not pay attention to the good things around us because we are so focused on ending before it is too late as if we are being chased or pushed to do these things … we tend to forget that when we work, we do that for ourselves and no one else, we are the ones who benefit and learn … but shouldn’t we enjoy that as well??

Time flies and never stops for anything or anyone … it is the only thing that keeps moving despite all changes and factors … it affects things and people but does not get affected … it is the material of our lives yet we are willingly sacrificing it to do things that don’t really matter … we try to convince ourselves that we are doing what we have to do but how sincere and honest are we in confronting ourselves when it comes to how we invest in our time??

I know I have been truly busy lately and things were too cluttered in my mind and around me, but the reason that I cannot complain about it is that I am truly enjoying my crazy times … I am working with people that I admire and learn from and such professional atmosphere is a dream come true for someone like me … I have been working, traveling and spending more time with family and friends … I lost some friends and gained new ones … as we grow older, our choosing criteria become different and more specific … we become more clear on what works for us and what doesn’t and what crowd to hang out with and what crowd to stay away from … we become less tolerant when it comes to our beliefs because we already established a strong base on which we build further … it is not time to put foundations because this is done already and now it is time to build and grow …

2007 is ending … as I review it; I realize that I have achieved big milestones and a lot more smaller ones … so many events took place … I met a lot of new people and befriended them … some of them became best friends … some friends magically dropped out and are no longer a part of my life; by choice or not, it does not matter really as the result is the same … some friends were estranged and I do not see them as much as I would love to but the beauty of the friendship is that no matter how we stay away; when we do meet; it is like we were never apart!!

Crazy times are ruling our lives but the way to deal with it in my opinion, is to enjoy the ride while it lasts

Happy Eid to everyone …

When I first heard the word blog, I was completely ignorant and clueless about its meaning … I did not know what to think or how to have a blog … but when I started reading more about it and discovered how easy and quick it is to create and maintain a blog … I was there in no time and here I am two years later, proud of this space and loving it as the first day I started it …

It is true that starting a blog is not that hard, but the maintenance needs a passion for writing and some spare time on your hands to keep in touch with your friends and readers … I admit that I have been under-performing lately … I just don’t know how time flies … I start my day in the morning and one thing after the other … poof … it is time to go home … how crazy is that??

I have enjoyed my two years of blogging and the most important advantage … besides speaking my mind of course … is meeting all those great people that I miss dearly and haven’t seen in a long time … I am glad that November is coming to an end because it was a crazy month by all means … so many things have happened and now it is time to cool down with December and its Eid, Christmas and holidays …

To all my friends and readers … I love you very very very much and I miss you all

Thank you for keeping up with me

It has been a bit over 10 years since I graduated university. Although I still remember it as if it was yesterday, I have to acknowledge the years’ effect on me … what 10 years can do to a person is tremendous if you come to think of it.

I was going through Layalina Magazine the other day and I came across a page where they featured the American School Reunion for the class of 1991. If I had been in that school, I would have attended that reunion, but some of my college colleagues were there and I could recognize a lot of the photos.

When you look at yourself in the mirror every day, you will not notice the age lines that form on your face with the passing years and you will not see the big difference until someone points it out to you. When I looked at these familiar faces in the magazine, I was shocked as they looked really older, they were not necessarily old and senile, but they looked so mature, tired and older. So I started saying to myself: WOW! If they have changed that much, I must have changed as well and if they were to see me now, they would be as surprised as I am!!!

I remember these guys when we were attending lectures and labs together, how they used to chase each other in the faculty corridors and halls, how we went together on picnics and played ball and sang together. I remember how we studied together and revised our answers after each exam and how we teased each other when we got the results and some had really high grades … it all seems like yesterday when I remember these things and now when I look at their images … I see my own reflection only 10 years later

It is really funny what a year can do to us, how about 10!!

It seems to me that time is flying and sometimes I even feel that I lost some stages in my life in my memory, as if I cannot locate a face or an event. During these 10 years, I met thousands of people, I traveled many places, worked in many companies and in many fields, fell in and out of love, formed many friendships, matured in my emotions and feelings … all that and as much as I feel that I have changed inside, when I go back 10 years, I am that young girl who did not know what the future was hiding for her …

Strange feelings of nice memories and even stranger feelings of realizing that I am no longer that young girl … I realized that I am a different person altogether and if I were to attend such a reunion, I probably would not get along with my old colleagues and friends especially that each went his/her own way after graduation. We met randomly along the years, but it was awkward and brief.

10 years would change us both physically and mentally … I wonder what things would be like 10 years from now … would I look at my current friends and get that distant feeling of nice times we had together? Or would I still have them on my side where we can look back together and capture those distant moments and smile about it? I guess only another 10 years would tell!!!

With each passing day, week, month or year, we all get our shares of good and bad news. Sometimes we are on the sad edge and other times we are on the happy one, some might argue that there is a little bit of both in each and every moment but why look for the drama when it is time to celebrate and party?

I have learned that it is best when we grasp the happy moment and enjoy it as much as we can because it does not last long, it passes us like a breeze, freshens our senses, makes us forget for a moment that life is full of worries and concerns and makes us see that with all these burdens, we still can enjoy a free minute of happiness that is well deserved.

Today; I would like to share my piece of happiness with all of you out there …
In our family; we are celebrating two different events, one that already passed and the other is about to take place at the end of the week inshallah …
As for the one that has passed; my sister has passed her comprehensive exam and ranked the first at kingdom level in her major which is marketing and she ranked the first on the 5% of students who get to continue their education at university. Now if this is not an achievement, I do not know what is!
In the period when she had her exams, she used to stay up at night to study the large number of books to be able to pass the exam. Although that I do not like the system of having to do one exam for 7 or 8 books at the same time, but I believe that she did a great job and I am so proud of her, so congratulations Nisreen

As for the event that is going to take place this weekend, it is my other sister getting married … you can imagine the amount of preparations that we are going through at this stage, be it her house and all the needed furniture, tidying up, buying accessories and new stuff … etc.

I am not much of a wedding person and people who have been following up on my blog know that I complained a few times about weddings’ atmospheres and how uninvited people show up from nowhere which reminds me of the famous movie “Wedding Crashers”, and all these ladies staring at the half dressed girls to pick brides for their sons who recently entered the marriage market, and those girls who compete on who dresses less and who dances best, and these old ladies wishing you to get married soon before you are expired and all these funny details that take place without any justifiable reason but hey; it is a wedding and that’s normal practice in our part of the world.

My sister decided not to make a big party in a hotel because she believes that this is a waste of money especially that the groom’s family insists on making a big traditional lunch (Mansaf) which will cost a lot more than a party in a 5 star hotel. I congratulate her on making this decision because all this wasted money does not make sense to me at all … but again; that’s just me.

Yesterday; I was in Mecca mall with a friend and as we were going out, I wanted to go take a look at jewelry. Damas has an outlet in the ground floor and so we entered and I told my friend that he better get some insight and practice because soon he will be here (or there) buying the ring and other stuff for the bride. We saw some wonderful diamond rings, really beautiful in cut, design and I might add price as well (pretty high) … so I was telling my friend that I don’t like the tradition of buying so many pieces of gold when you get married because in tradition, the bride’s family asks for gold in the range of 2000 or 3000 JD. This amount of money can easily get you a beautiful diamond ring that will live for generations but again; that’s only me!

Anyway; I just wanted to share the joy with you and wish my sister the best of what the world can offer in their future

The past few weeks were the craziest, with the heat and work pressure, you could say that I would have been lucky to find some time to sleep and do something for myself.

As I mentioned in my previous post, my sister got engaged and along with that came a lot of social activities both in and out of the house. My brother is also here and things are getting more hectic by the day. Work is also a very interesting front these days as we are in the process of moving from one location to another and that puts some pressure on us, but we are coping just fine as I was blessed with a great group of colleagues and my bosses are wonderful, so this kind of relieves a lot of the stress.

You can see from the clutter around me that I am doing a million things together

Last week; I was invited to attend a reception at the British ambassador’s residence in celebration of Queen Elizabeth’s Birthday. I was very interested to go and that’s exactly what I did. The invitation read my name as Mr. and Mrs. Khalidah so I had to choose a Mr. Khalidah for the night and go with him to the reception. My dear friend Bashir came to my rescue and he accompanied me there and needless to say; we had a wonderful time wondering around among ministers and ambassadors and diplomats.

The reception took place in the back yard of the ambassador’s residence and I can’t begin to tell you how the police have surrounded the place and how hard it was for us to find a parking spot; my guess is that you get the picture

On another family front, we were invited on Friday to one of my favorite and best friend’s house; Kinzi. She was the perfect hostess and I am really thankful and grateful to her for having me and my family in her home and for sharing their comfort zone with us for a few hours. We chatted and discussed many things and it was one of those days that will stay with you for as long as you live and are able to go back to those details that made the day so special.

She cooked for us; both Arabic and American meals and those brownies were from heaven … I am waiting for the recipes; not that I will be doing them any time soon, but at least I will have them just in case.

My parents loved and enjoyed the experience and they talked about Kinzi, her cooking, her wonderful gentleman of a husband, her warm home, her well mannered children, her sophisticated friends and the list would go on and on … I thank you Kinzi for doing this for me … this means the world

On Saturday; my sister celebrated her graduation from Arabic College and she was the at the top of the class in her major; Marketing. I am really proud of her and her achievements; with a limited time for studying and with all the football team training and traveling; she did a wonderful job and I congratulate her on this great performance.

Nisreen with Graduation gown; Mabrook my dear

My parents, my brother and his wife and my sister and her fiancé went to the graduation and my baby sitting days were back for a few hours. I had to watch over my nephews and I have got to say that this task really became harder with time or maybe it is fair to say that we develop less tolerance for kids as we grow older and don’t have ones of our own; maybe we just don’t get kids’ behavior!!

There you have it; that’s where I was the past period and by the way; I got invited by the German embassy to attend a workshop for bloggers and I am expecting to have a good time; it has been a while since I have seen so many people from those who will be there, so stay tuned for more after this one is over

Summer season is officially back with all its parties and family gatherings. It is like people wait all year long till these few months to finish all their social obligations whether they were weddings, engagements or even family parties. It happens to be that all graduations happen in the summer, students finish their exams in summer and holiday season also falls in the summer.

It is true that summer is easier than winter for all activities but it is turning into a summer of craziness and frenzy. By the time the sun starts shining every day and the temperature starts rising up that the girls start wearing less and less. We have become used to the mini clothes and exposed flesh with every passing year.

Yesterday was full; we had an engagement party for my sister and I have to say that I was really shocked with the outfits that the girls are wearing, as if you will not be trendy unless you wear as less as possible or as revealing as you can get away with. I remember ten or fifteen years ago, we were more shy back then and we would not wear anything that exposes more than half of our arms, but I guess people change with time or maybe we start seeing things differently when we grow older.

Anyway; the party was really nice and longer than I expected, because in these types of parties, people come and go very quickly but this one lasted for 4 hours or so. Of course; my day started really early because I had the task of driving the bride to the salon and stay with her to make sure that everything is done by the book, then drive her home, but one of her friends came over and insisted to drive her home so she followed me and the party officially started when we arrived.

Some of my foreign friends came to the party and shared the joy with me; the lovely Kinzi, Momma beans and Teta Beans and two of Kinzi’s friends; Ruth and Emilie. This was a good opportunity for them to experience a Jordanian party with all its ins and outs and they had so much fun. My eldest aunt approached Ruth asking her if she would accept marriage to her son and she was so insisting and would not let it go until they promised her that they will look for someone and get back to her. I guess that my aunt was living the American dream all the way from Jordan and was trying to assure a better future for son and no one can blame her, yalla 3o2bal el 7abayeb.

At the end of it; this was a very long happy day and I am really grateful that it ended OK and would be even more grateful if people stop wishing me a husband like saying: don’t be sad, maybe God will finally send you a husband!!!
This happened a lot yesterday and was so annoying and really impolite, but I can’t change the world as much as I can change my attitude on how to react to it!!!

Don’t be surprised by the title … I was almost sure that I knew this myself until I was put face to face with an unfortunate situation that showed me that it does not really matter to the community how I rate myself when it comes to success and failure because each member of this large society has his/her own definition that depends only on their own views and beliefs.

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of failure is: nonperformance of something due, required, or expected. In Wikipedia, it is: failure refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective.
In Wiktionary, it is:
1. State or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, opposite of success.
2. An object, person or endeavor in a state of failure or incapable of success.
3. Termination of the ability of an item to perform its required function.

I find the above definitions clear and straight forward, however; when I started interpreting them according to what people classify as a failure, it was a totally different scene and one that might not only be vague but also blurry and confusing. I mean why even bother understanding what the word or the status means when almost everyone will judge you from where they are standing. It is not like being overweight because there are standards for that, it is not like being black or white, blonde or brunette or redhead, it is not like being old or young … all these things are easily detected and do not need our personal input to decide one way or another despite that our perspective might change how we deal with these things, but still; we cannot miss them. But when it comes to failure or success for that matter; how can one judge or decide if someone has succeeded or failed?

I see success and failure as two faces of the same coin, but what I fail to see is how to define the boundaries of this coin. What are the standards for success? What are the things that one has to achieve in order to be classified as successful? Is it position or money or fame or what exactly?

Everyone thought that Marilyn Monroe was so successful and that her life was glamorous, but it turned out that she was miserable and her life ended mysteriously with a global inclination to believe that she committed suicide. Elvis Presley was a role model to almost every man in his generation and everyone dreamed of a life like his, but in reality he was miserable enough to become a drug addict and that eventually killed him. Princess Diana gave up everything to be happy. We can always look at celebrities as successful people who lead lives out of fairy tales, but the truth is that we do not know how happy with their lives they are, how content and satisfied they are and how successful they see themselves.

In our part of the world, people tend to be more emotional and judge others from that perspective. I have been thinking about this for some time now and found that no matter how hard a woman works and how high she aims and reaches, she will still be considered a failure because she did not achieve the ultimate goal in due time, which is getting married and having kids.

Now I would really consider this theory and might even believe it if the woman had full control over this particular issue, but she cannot decide who to marry and make it happen like men do, she has to wait for him to propose and hope for the best, so how does this count as a failure?

The other day; I was accused of being a failure by one of the closest people to me. Maybe she took my life and compared it to hers and when she found that I did not take her path and still did not marry and had a few kids that I was a failure. It did not matter that I had a better career and a more comfortable lifestyle, I was still a failure to her because I am not Mrs. Someone like she is.

To tell the truth; what she said was hurtful and sad and I did not expect it to get to me like it did, but what hurt the most is that I realized that if the ones who know me think this way; I should not be expecting much from those who don’t, and I decided that as long as I will classify myself as a failure or a success according to my own interpretation of the words or status and to hell with everyone who does not approve because at the end of the day, those who matter would not mind while those who mind, do not actually matter.

I woke up this morning in a desperate need for more sleep; you see, I stayed late last night and now I know that I shouldn’t have, but the problem is that there is always so much to do and it seems that I need longer days. I woke up feeling tired and really craved a massage for my exhausted shoulders; sitting behind a desk for the most part of the day is not healthy at all, trust me I know the hard way.

Driving in the morning is another ordeal that one has to deal with especially among drivers who are late for their work or trying to get their kids to school or maybe just sleepy like I am this morning.

The weather outside my office is amazing and I would give anything to spend the day outside, or get a chance to walk around Amman’s suburbs without having to rush back somewhere. How I would love to be in Aqaba today and enjoy the sea that I miss so much; I guess a couple of days off are in order ha?

Last weekend, I went with my friends to see 300. This movie was really overrated because we all did not like it. It was more of an animated flick that reminded me of Sinbad’s adventures where the hero is aided by the forces of nature, but I told myself: this is a myth and it is normal in such tales to have these scenarios but the overall assessment from all of us that the movie was more comic than tragic because we did not stop laughing and that applied to everyone in the theatre, strange ha?

This weekend was different because I spent it at home and dad made us one of his famous BBQ’s but I had a fight with my favorite sister over a silly matter. It is true that things almost went back to normal without us having to say we were sorry but that’s the way things happen among sisters and that’s exactly what I like about family; you can go back right to where you started as if nothing happened because the main thing never changes; we are family!

Yesterday I finalized things with Royal Jordanian and I am now free. Wow! It is quite liberating to put closure to a stage and move on to the next; loose ends are always a big problem because they always come back to give you unnecessary headaches. The irony is that two weeks after I submitted my resignation, they ended the contract with my boss which was a great relief for me as he was the only one keeping me there.

I have a slight headache because I am still sleepy, Panadol anyone???

So today was my birthday … yeah yeah yeah … another birthday and another year has passed by and when I think about my birthday last year, it seems like a hundred years ago because so much has happened since then … but isn’t that what life is about?

This year, I spent a happier birthday than the year before and the day was full of warm wishes and nice surprises and did I tell you that I am loving this facebook? It is really cool how everyone wished me a happy birthday on my wall there and even though I could not be with all of these friends in the same location, somehow that’s exactly how it felt …

I received flowers and the family had a small party for me at the end of today … so all in all; I can safely say that today was really one of the good days, so I would like to thank all those who participated in making it a nice day after all

My sisters sent me this to my office and it was a very nice surprise … thank you girls

My nephew got me these beautiful yellow flowers … and they smell nice too

The cake

Mom got me one of her masterpiece as a gift … thank you mom; I love it

And there you have a full report … hope you enjoyed it