I guess it is true that you don’t know how tough you are until this is put to the test!!

The last few years of my life were a series of ups and downs and I am afraid more downs than ups; downfalls and bad events that left me at more than one point vulnerable and fragile. Bouncing back from these events was not as easy as I wished it had been; sometimes it took all the strength that I could gather from within myself to be able to turn things around and move on or start over …

Sometimes I feel like shouting at the top of my lungs because I cannot take it anymore, but the problem is that if I fall apart, it will be like a chain reaction and a lot of those around me will start falling apart as well and maybe in worse ways, so the tough part here is not actually being in a situation where you are about to crack and break down, but the fact that you cannot even allow yourself to fall because some people look up to you and see you as a stone that stands in the face of all difficulties and hardships, so if you break, it means that they don’t even stand a chance, so you feel that you are not even allowed to show the smallest signs of weakness and that on its own is very hard to achieve …

Maybe the hardest thing you can ever go through is the broken trust between you and close ones, when someone that you care about or love or respect breaks your trust, that hurts in the core and it is really hard to bounce back from, because without you noticing it or feeling it, you will be affected and trusting others becomes a major issue, you will start assuming the worst in everyone’s intentions and actions, because if that person whom you believed in and trusted did a horrible thing to you and did not even care how it will affect or hurt you, then how can you expect better from people you don’t even know? I know that some will say this is not right, but tell that to a hurt person … at least, one needs time to get over it …

The recent things that happened to me were harder than anyone can imagine, both on the personal and professional levels, things are really messed up; actually .. they are more messed up than they ever were before, yet I noticed that what is different is me and how I am dealing with the situation … I realized that if the same happened to me a few years ago, I would have definitely fallen apart and broken big time, but I am now more responsive than reactive … I rationalize things and try to always look at the bright side which is not as easy as it seems … I try to be as positive about it as I can but I cannot help the occasional break that takes me by surprise and at the worst times possible, and I try to keep things under control, but sometimes I feel that allowing these breaks to surface is what is keeping me together till now, so I let go when I can …

After all this time and the few ups and the many downs I have been through, I realized that I am tougher than I thought I was, and as good as this may seem, it is exhausting and consumes most of one’s energy, and most of the time, there isn’t much left for anything else!!!

P.S. Friends are great in these situations and I thank God for all the friends that I have … I am a luckier person to have them in my life and I thank them for all the love and support they give me without even asking for it … thank you all for being the gems in my messed up world … I love you all

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Ramadan is a visitor that shows up once a year; we see a lot of actions and reactions before, during and after this month yet we receive it with the excitement and greetings year in and year out because it symbolizes a lot of things to us. It is the month when we feel closer to God, it is the month that we see people’s behaviors when they are fasting and angry about it, we see them going into consumption and buying frenzy, we see them driving like maniacs and having street fights, we see all sorts of negative attitudes and people refer it to the fact that they cannot drink, eat or smoke.

On the other hand; we see people visiting each other more, we see them praying more, we see them helping each other more, we see them supporting those who are needier or poorer and they feel happy about it because they get this satisfying feeling of doing what is right even for once a year.

In old days, Ramadan was a sacred time for the whole family … I remember when we used to invite people over for Iftar and Gatayef … I remember how my mother used to take advantage of the long fasting hours to prepare meals that take time like wara2 3enab, kobbeh, sheshbarak, and many others … I remember how my grandmother (Allah bless her soul) used to bake bread for us right before Iftar and we used to consume it as if there was no other food … I remember my grandfather (Allah bless his soul) when he used to come to our house in Ramadan and Eid with his pockets filled with candy for us … AAHHH!! Those were the days!!

I also remember that people used to be more respectful for others’ feelings in Ramadan … if for any reason someone was not able to fast or even chose not to fast, they were discreet about it because they were tactful and courteous towards others. Unfortunately; what we see these days is that not only people choose not to fast but they also make sure everyone around them knows that they are choosing not to fast and practically rubbing food, drink and cigarettes in fasters’ faces; now that’s what I call rude, disrespectful and totally vulgar.

We see our Christian colleagues and friends supportive of us practicing our beliefs and there is no limit to our appreciation of what they do (or don’t do) but it is our Muslim brothers and sisters who are showing this much of disrespect to us and to our belief. It saddens me when I see such behaviors from educated adults who are well aware of what they are doing. I know that some of you will say: if you don’t like or approve, just look the other way and I can always do that but when people challenge and dare others, laugh in their faces as if they are not doing anything wrong … now that truly pisses me off … imagine when you have to wake up in the morning and go to work only to find someone who is drinking coffee with the smell climbing up to your brain through your nose and you cannot taste it … imagine if you were a smoker and craved a cigarette while someone is blowing the smoke in your face … or if in the middle of the day when you are hungry and cannot focus on your work, someone walks in with a sandwich and eats it while you are smelling and looking … that’s truly a sad thing to witness and believe me I did see it and was speechless as people who are that rude, can come up with any sort of answer if you even point out that if what they are doing is wrong or shameful …

I am really sorry and disappointed when I see such things and I reach a stage where I feel disgusted that we reached such a phase in our lives that people have and show no consideration or respect to others’ feelings and it makes me really scared of what is yet to come and what role model are we setting for the coming generations …

A lot of talk has been going on about government placing cameras to stop indecent acts by youths who practically are doing it in the car!! Some are saying that this is a form of religious police who will bind people’s freedoms and that our liberal Jordan will not be so liberal any more.

Let us look at this scenario a bit closely, those are against the government decision think of these indecent acts as acts of love and affection and that we as “the others” should turn the other way, mind our business, let these kids be with what they are doing and if we don’t like it to happen in front of us then we should give them more freedom to check in rooms and be out of sight.

The question is: why should I give such compromises when these kids are actually forcing their acts on me in a space that belongs to everyone? Why should I accept that what belongs behind closed doors becomes so public and normal practice? Why should I accept to expose my kids to this and how can I explain it to them? Why am I supposed to look the other way when these people are in plain sight and there for everyone to watch and see? Why should I respect their wishes when they are not even acknowledging mine?

We are not encouraging censoring people’s acts because it is none of our business to middle in theirs but when they trespass and force their actions on us right there in the public highway, well; that is totally a different story. This is an area that belongs to everyone and what we do there should be acceptable by everyone because that’s just the logical way of thinking. If I am about to do something that will grab attention or be found out of the norm, then I am in the wrong place and I should take it elsewhere.

Those who are against the move are defending the rights of these young couples to practice “love” freely, but what about everyone else’s right in not being exposed to something that is against their beliefs and standards. Why should everyone tolerate what a minority think is hip, modern and civilized? Would they accept it if those others started practicing their beliefs in public?

A while ago; a lot of people started using the side way on airport road as picnic areas and almost everyone thought this was out of place and that government should do something about it and we were all thankful when it did. Why should this scenario be different?

There was an old saying that goes like this: your freedom stops when everyone else’s starts. So it is my right to go out in the street and be anywhere and know that I will not be exposed to a scene that belongs in a bedroom especially that those streets have children and people who come from different cultures and backgrounds. Such acts will only encourage acts of hate and extremism and this is in no way for the best interest and benefit of the community at large.

This kind of thinking makes me wonder: why do we have bedrooms in our homes? If it is acceptable for us to see “love acts” in public, why are we decent at home? Why don’t people do it just in front of anyone if this is what freedom entails? Why do we need closed doors? Why do we teach our kids to be decent? Why do we teach them privacy?

As far as I know, such “love acts” in public are not acceptable in western countries as well and people look at them as indecent. Some countries go as far as placing those cameras and other countries have police officers roaming the areas at night to make sure that such violations are not taking place, so why are we calling for opening the door for something the whole world is trying to shove back behind closed doors????