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Ramadan is a visitor that shows up once a year; we see a lot of actions and reactions before, during and after this month yet we receive it with the excitement and greetings year in and year out because it symbolizes a lot of things to us. It is the month when we feel closer to God, it is the month that we see people’s behaviors when they are fasting and angry about it, we see them going into consumption and buying frenzy, we see them driving like maniacs and having street fights, we see all sorts of negative attitudes and people refer it to the fact that they cannot drink, eat or smoke.

On the other hand; we see people visiting each other more, we see them praying more, we see them helping each other more, we see them supporting those who are needier or poorer and they feel happy about it because they get this satisfying feeling of doing what is right even for once a year.

In old days, Ramadan was a sacred time for the whole family … I remember when we used to invite people over for Iftar and Gatayef … I remember how my mother used to take advantage of the long fasting hours to prepare meals that take time like wara2 3enab, kobbeh, sheshbarak, and many others … I remember how my grandmother (Allah bless her soul) used to bake bread for us right before Iftar and we used to consume it as if there was no other food … I remember my grandfather (Allah bless his soul) when he used to come to our house in Ramadan and Eid with his pockets filled with candy for us … AAHHH!! Those were the days!!

I also remember that people used to be more respectful for others’ feelings in Ramadan … if for any reason someone was not able to fast or even chose not to fast, they were discreet about it because they were tactful and courteous towards others. Unfortunately; what we see these days is that not only people choose not to fast but they also make sure everyone around them knows that they are choosing not to fast and practically rubbing food, drink and cigarettes in fasters’ faces; now that’s what I call rude, disrespectful and totally vulgar.

We see our Christian colleagues and friends supportive of us practicing our beliefs and there is no limit to our appreciation of what they do (or don’t do) but it is our Muslim brothers and sisters who are showing this much of disrespect to us and to our belief. It saddens me when I see such behaviors from educated adults who are well aware of what they are doing. I know that some of you will say: if you don’t like or approve, just look the other way and I can always do that but when people challenge and dare others, laugh in their faces as if they are not doing anything wrong … now that truly pisses me off … imagine when you have to wake up in the morning and go to work only to find someone who is drinking coffee with the smell climbing up to your brain through your nose and you cannot taste it … imagine if you were a smoker and craved a cigarette while someone is blowing the smoke in your face … or if in the middle of the day when you are hungry and cannot focus on your work, someone walks in with a sandwich and eats it while you are smelling and looking … that’s truly a sad thing to witness and believe me I did see it and was speechless as people who are that rude, can come up with any sort of answer if you even point out that if what they are doing is wrong or shameful …

I am really sorry and disappointed when I see such things and I reach a stage where I feel disgusted that we reached such a phase in our lives that people have and show no consideration or respect to others’ feelings and it makes me really scared of what is yet to come and what role model are we setting for the coming generations …

A lot of talk has been going on about government placing cameras to stop indecent acts by youths who practically are doing it in the car!! Some are saying that this is a form of religious police who will bind people’s freedoms and that our liberal Jordan will not be so liberal any more.

Let us look at this scenario a bit closely, those are against the government decision think of these indecent acts as acts of love and affection and that we as “the others” should turn the other way, mind our business, let these kids be with what they are doing and if we don’t like it to happen in front of us then we should give them more freedom to check in rooms and be out of sight.

The question is: why should I give such compromises when these kids are actually forcing their acts on me in a space that belongs to everyone? Why should I accept that what belongs behind closed doors becomes so public and normal practice? Why should I accept to expose my kids to this and how can I explain it to them? Why am I supposed to look the other way when these people are in plain sight and there for everyone to watch and see? Why should I respect their wishes when they are not even acknowledging mine?

We are not encouraging censoring people’s acts because it is none of our business to middle in theirs but when they trespass and force their actions on us right there in the public highway, well; that is totally a different story. This is an area that belongs to everyone and what we do there should be acceptable by everyone because that’s just the logical way of thinking. If I am about to do something that will grab attention or be found out of the norm, then I am in the wrong place and I should take it elsewhere.

Those who are against the move are defending the rights of these young couples to practice “love” freely, but what about everyone else’s right in not being exposed to something that is against their beliefs and standards. Why should everyone tolerate what a minority think is hip, modern and civilized? Would they accept it if those others started practicing their beliefs in public?

A while ago; a lot of people started using the side way on airport road as picnic areas and almost everyone thought this was out of place and that government should do something about it and we were all thankful when it did. Why should this scenario be different?

There was an old saying that goes like this: your freedom stops when everyone else’s starts. So it is my right to go out in the street and be anywhere and know that I will not be exposed to a scene that belongs in a bedroom especially that those streets have children and people who come from different cultures and backgrounds. Such acts will only encourage acts of hate and extremism and this is in no way for the best interest and benefit of the community at large.

This kind of thinking makes me wonder: why do we have bedrooms in our homes? If it is acceptable for us to see “love acts” in public, why are we decent at home? Why don’t people do it just in front of anyone if this is what freedom entails? Why do we need closed doors? Why do we teach our kids to be decent? Why do we teach them privacy?

As far as I know, such “love acts” in public are not acceptable in western countries as well and people look at them as indecent. Some countries go as far as placing those cameras and other countries have police officers roaming the areas at night to make sure that such violations are not taking place, so why are we calling for opening the door for something the whole world is trying to shove back behind closed doors????

Yesterday, I went out with a friend of mine to one of the prominent coffee shops in Mecca Mall. You see, we like going there because it has large windows and we can sit inside while breathing fresh air and they make great coffee, so there we were on one of our favorite tables and peacefully munching our dinner when a guy and two girls came in and sat right in front of us.

Now, there isn’t anything strange about this scene as many people go out in groups and eat or drink; this is really not the issue. What was really obvious is that the guy formed a couple with one of the girls and the other girl was there like a third wheel, but that also is normal … I mean you can go out with your girlfriend and her friend might/can tag along, so we are still OK …

Some time went by and then we noticed that the girl was all touchy feely with the guy; she would put her hand over his, or just makes sure that she touches all the skin on his arm when she extends her hand to get a tissue or whatever … it was too obvious that we could not NOT notice, but we brushed it off …

After a while, the guy started touching back, by pinching a cheek here or holding a hand there … then she would sneak her hand under his arm in an attempt to hold his other hand or just touch it lightly … but we said to ourselves, well; maybe we are just too old fashioned or maybe this is the new trend in dating in Amman … who knows?

Then we noticed that there was a whole other scene under the table … they were seriously all over each other … she would but her feet over his, or he would touch her leg, or she would cross her legs only to touch him on the knee with her foot … and I was “this” close to shouting: get a room, will ya?!!!

Not only is this action tasteless and shameless, but it is also strange to happen in a public place in a mall … I am not that naive and I know that there are places where such things happen but certainly not in a coffee shop in a mall with very clear sharp lights and while you are seated very close to the next table … I mean come on! When did we lose all manners and morals … will someone tell me: is this normal???

What is happening to this generation? Even if they were engaged or married, does this justify such behavior? Is flirtation a part of dating these days? Have we become like western countries where the date should end with a kiss at the door? If this girl was seen by her father, brother or even her cousin while she was all over that guy, would she continue what she was doing without even blinking or would she worry that there would be severe consequences? If that guy saw his sister or even cousin in the position of the girl who was with him, I wonder how he would react!!

In a community that is drowning in double standards and culture of shame, it comes as a shock that we see such behaviors in public places which makes me wonder, did people stop caring suddenly? Or did the standards change? Or are we getting into a new era that has no limits or boundaries???? :S

What is it about a sleepless night that turns us into grumpy upset people? Is it that our bodies and brains did not get enough rest or is it that we are lazy creatures that cannot function unless we take off periods that make at least one third of our lives??

You can tell that I had a really lousy night and that I did not get enough sleep, add that to a hectic day full of meetings, covering for absent employees (my staff), complaints and requests flying all over the place and your friends ditching you at lunch time … if that is not a fatal combination for a grumpy lousy bad crappy mood and attitude; I seriously don’t know what is!!!

I had a meeting after work last night and it was a bit past 10 when I headed home. I wanted to pass by the supermarket to buy something and withdraw some cash, so I stopped by Safeway on my way home. Not only was it full and the people were lined up in tens waiting for their turn to reach the cash register, but the place was so full of kids :S
Wherever I looked, there were kids … they were shouting, playing race with the shopping carts and screaming at their parents that they want to buy this or that; I guess that they must have mistaken the superstore to be the park, playground or even wonderland … My God!!! What is wrong with these people?? It is a school night and kids are still shopping at 11 in the night? Is this normal? Am I being too picky here? When we were young kids, we used to be in bed by 8 or 9 max, so what are these kids still doing or more importantly, what are the parents thinking???

I just left the place without buying anything because getting anything would have meant standing in line for 15 – 20 minutes and I was dead tired by then with a bad mood that wouldn’t have been able to handle the noise so I decided to head home for everyone’s benefit including mine.

When I reached home, it was almost 11:15 and what is that? More kids in the street!!! :S :S
How are they going to be disciplined? How are they going to respect time and commitments if they cannot be trained to sleep early in school nights? Call me nuts, but I really believe that these are related and teaching these behaviors to children (positive or negative) will alter and affect the outcome of their futures.

No wonder we have so many inconsiderate people, no wonder we suffer from lack or morals wherever we go, it is not shocking then that we see rudeness as the norm, not surprising at all that we look at the polite with an exclamation point written all over our faces. It is the upbringing and the way one was raised that determines what type of a person he/she might become in the future, so if the mother was careless enough and the father was absent minded enough to leave their kids without so much to train them how to be committed serious people, then the coming generation would be a lot worse and more lost than the ones we currently have!!

Maybe this is my sleep deprived brain talking, or my deeper subconscious trying to break free, but I do believe that with each passing day, the crisis is growing bigger and a lot of people are becoming parents without being prepared for the role so they learn as they go, but I wonder where they are getting their knowledge because what we are witnessing is not a nice result by a far shot.

Having children might be the biggest responsibility one can claim by choice because you will be bringing human beings into this world, and since they did not choose to come in the first place or choose you yourself as their parent, you are obliged to do your utmost best to make sure you prepare them for life and give them a good future that allows them to move on and create more generations. Parenthood is not a journey in the park nor is it a fairy tale; it is a lot of hard work, commitment and dedication with a mix of tender loving care (TLC), parenting means that you will give up your life willingly for 20 something years until your kids are well on their way in life and even then you will still give them a big part of your life because that’s what it is all about … it is for this purpose that God demands respect and care for the parents but parents have to earn that by doing their job properly!!

I think that having children is very beautiful yet very scary, it is miraculous but risky, it is something that must not be taken lightly and I never seize to be amazed how a lot of people do just that!!!

Summer season is officially back with all its parties and family gatherings. It is like people wait all year long till these few months to finish all their social obligations whether they were weddings, engagements or even family parties. It happens to be that all graduations happen in the summer, students finish their exams in summer and holiday season also falls in the summer.

It is true that summer is easier than winter for all activities but it is turning into a summer of craziness and frenzy. By the time the sun starts shining every day and the temperature starts rising up that the girls start wearing less and less. We have become used to the mini clothes and exposed flesh with every passing year.

Yesterday was full; we had an engagement party for my sister and I have to say that I was really shocked with the outfits that the girls are wearing, as if you will not be trendy unless you wear as less as possible or as revealing as you can get away with. I remember ten or fifteen years ago, we were more shy back then and we would not wear anything that exposes more than half of our arms, but I guess people change with time or maybe we start seeing things differently when we grow older.

Anyway; the party was really nice and longer than I expected, because in these types of parties, people come and go very quickly but this one lasted for 4 hours or so. Of course; my day started really early because I had the task of driving the bride to the salon and stay with her to make sure that everything is done by the book, then drive her home, but one of her friends came over and insisted to drive her home so she followed me and the party officially started when we arrived.

Some of my foreign friends came to the party and shared the joy with me; the lovely Kinzi, Momma beans and Teta Beans and two of Kinzi’s friends; Ruth and Emilie. This was a good opportunity for them to experience a Jordanian party with all its ins and outs and they had so much fun. My eldest aunt approached Ruth asking her if she would accept marriage to her son and she was so insisting and would not let it go until they promised her that they will look for someone and get back to her. I guess that my aunt was living the American dream all the way from Jordan and was trying to assure a better future for son and no one can blame her, yalla 3o2bal el 7abayeb.

At the end of it; this was a very long happy day and I am really grateful that it ended OK and would be even more grateful if people stop wishing me a husband like saying: don’t be sad, maybe God will finally send you a husband!!!
This happened a lot yesterday and was so annoying and really impolite, but I can’t change the world as much as I can change my attitude on how to react to it!!!

Don’t be surprised by the title … I was almost sure that I knew this myself until I was put face to face with an unfortunate situation that showed me that it does not really matter to the community how I rate myself when it comes to success and failure because each member of this large society has his/her own definition that depends only on their own views and beliefs.

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of failure is: nonperformance of something due, required, or expected. In Wikipedia, it is: failure refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective.
In Wiktionary, it is:
1. State or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, opposite of success.
2. An object, person or endeavor in a state of failure or incapable of success.
3. Termination of the ability of an item to perform its required function.

I find the above definitions clear and straight forward, however; when I started interpreting them according to what people classify as a failure, it was a totally different scene and one that might not only be vague but also blurry and confusing. I mean why even bother understanding what the word or the status means when almost everyone will judge you from where they are standing. It is not like being overweight because there are standards for that, it is not like being black or white, blonde or brunette or redhead, it is not like being old or young … all these things are easily detected and do not need our personal input to decide one way or another despite that our perspective might change how we deal with these things, but still; we cannot miss them. But when it comes to failure or success for that matter; how can one judge or decide if someone has succeeded or failed?

I see success and failure as two faces of the same coin, but what I fail to see is how to define the boundaries of this coin. What are the standards for success? What are the things that one has to achieve in order to be classified as successful? Is it position or money or fame or what exactly?

Everyone thought that Marilyn Monroe was so successful and that her life was glamorous, but it turned out that she was miserable and her life ended mysteriously with a global inclination to believe that she committed suicide. Elvis Presley was a role model to almost every man in his generation and everyone dreamed of a life like his, but in reality he was miserable enough to become a drug addict and that eventually killed him. Princess Diana gave up everything to be happy. We can always look at celebrities as successful people who lead lives out of fairy tales, but the truth is that we do not know how happy with their lives they are, how content and satisfied they are and how successful they see themselves.

In our part of the world, people tend to be more emotional and judge others from that perspective. I have been thinking about this for some time now and found that no matter how hard a woman works and how high she aims and reaches, she will still be considered a failure because she did not achieve the ultimate goal in due time, which is getting married and having kids.

Now I would really consider this theory and might even believe it if the woman had full control over this particular issue, but she cannot decide who to marry and make it happen like men do, she has to wait for him to propose and hope for the best, so how does this count as a failure?

The other day; I was accused of being a failure by one of the closest people to me. Maybe she took my life and compared it to hers and when she found that I did not take her path and still did not marry and had a few kids that I was a failure. It did not matter that I had a better career and a more comfortable lifestyle, I was still a failure to her because I am not Mrs. Someone like she is.

To tell the truth; what she said was hurtful and sad and I did not expect it to get to me like it did, but what hurt the most is that I realized that if the ones who know me think this way; I should not be expecting much from those who don’t, and I decided that as long as I will classify myself as a failure or a success according to my own interpretation of the words or status and to hell with everyone who does not approve because at the end of the day, those who matter would not mind while those who mind, do not actually matter.

This is one of the things that keep happening to us over the time and during all work experiences. It happens that when you start dealing with someone on daily basis, you become friends and maybe even best friends without you even noticing. You start going out together for movies or just to hang out, and then you start confiding in each other pouring your heart concerns and you talk about your personal issues with them, you ask them for advice and you give them some in return, you talk and you listen and all of a sudden you are friends who work together and not coworkers who became friends.

The question is however; is this wise?

When emotions get in the way of a professional relationship, the outcome can never be predicted and the reason is that emotions trigger reactions we can never expect and this might hurt both the business and personal relationships you share. If your conflict comes from business related matters, you might not forgive your friend for not favoring you and cutting you some slack and if the conflict is personal, you will start picking on each other at work which will affect both your works and might affect the atmosphere you share at the workplace altogether.

I am not saying that coworkers can never become friends but there is a missing ingredient in such a relationship and that ingredient is moderation and balance. If you know how to be moderate and balanced in the way you feel towards your friend and you know how to separate your professional life from your private life, you might actually get a shot at this. The other important ingredient is for your friend to understand this and be able to do the same, because this is a two way street and as they say; it takes two to make it or break it and you can never work a relationship on his own; a relationship no matter what type, needs a lot of work from all parties involved to maintain and grow it.

In my experience working in different companies and with a wide variety of people, friendship and business do not mix without consequences, and that is why they call it: conflict of interest. In our human nature, we are more likely to practice nepotism and without even noticing that we are doing so. We tend to make us excuses to our friends even if we know that they do not deserve that and sometimes, we might forgive them for mistakes that if done by someone else, they would never get the same feedback or treatment, and the problem is that the more special treatment you show, the more they will demand out of you which eventually leads to a disaster, because then the mistake gets magnified tens of times and the way back is too steep and difficult to walk.

I found out that being friends in the same workplace makes disappointments hurt much worse and reactions become emotional and uncalculated, so the chances are higher that you will end up losing this friend and maybe even consider quitting your job because you cannot handle dealing with this person on daily basis and not being able to talk to them like you used to do. I also found out that if you leave your job at one point, your relationship with your friends become stronger because you do not have to worry about the conflict of interest any more and your friend is just your friend which gives you more freedom to talk and most importantly, your work is not a talking material any more and it is not getting in the way of growing this friendship or nurturing it.

My advice to all of you out there; be careful of this dangerous mixture because the consequences are severe and if you have any doubt in your mind that you both cannot be objective enough to work through this relationship, chances are you are right and you should keep things in a clear perspective so that not to regret later. Life can surprise us and sometimes shock us with things that come from those who are closer to us the most and that’s when it hurts bad and might change your views about friends for good.

So, can coworkers be friends?

I say: probably but not likely!

I guess that it is not a secret that I am a super fan of VIVA Magazine for so many reasons, but I am not going to talk about this now

VIVA has published an article of mine in their March issue and I cannot begin to describe, how excited, happy, proud and did I mention excited?

Since I am so happy about this and everything, well I thought that I should at least share it with my dear friends and readers by posting it on my blog, so here it is and I hope you like it

The title of the Article is “All Alone”

Nice Introduction … thank you for that

I really liked this image …

And this is the article …

Click on the images to get a clearer view

Here is the article …

No trains to Marrigeville? See why Khalidah El Mufleh says Singletown is just fine …

Hello, my name is Khalidah, and I am a 34-year-old single woman, which in our society, I suppose, makes me a spinster.

The word spinster conjures up a mental image of a childless, frumpy woman who is somewhat depressed, longing to be like other “normal” women. Indeed, in books and in movies, this very issue is portrayed as a young woman’s – and probably her whole family’s – worst nightmare. The spinster is always the desperate, unhappy woman willing to compromise anything just to be rid of the dreadful fate of being a singleton for life; she might even accept being a second wife or marrying a much older man to run away from the “Spinsterhood Ghost” as it is known in Arabic.
Interestingly enough, the stereotype of spinster has been universally understood to be feminine in nature. ‘Bachelor’ typically implies that a man is young, virile, and available. It doesn’t have the same negative connotations as that of ‘spinster.’ A bachelor could have numerous partners, but it would be immoral for a spinster to do the same. Unlike the spinster, the fact that a man is not married does not necessarily imply a deficiency in his character. Many times, I’ve heard it said to single women: “If you were good enough and worthy, you would have gotten married by now.”
I see things from a completely different perspective. While it’s true that married women tend to have a better societal status, being more respected and acknowledged, I will not think less of myself just because I’m not someone’s wife.

True, it’s human nature to seek companionship… someone to share your life with. We often hear that “there’s someone for everyone”, but what if there isn’t? What if no matter how hard we try, or how long we look, we still don’t find our ‘Mr Right’? What if, one day, we pass the conventional age of marriage and everyone starts referring to us as spinsters?

A few years ago, I was brought face-to-face with the fact that, in the eye of my community, I have become a spinster. I was attending the wedding of a slightly younger cousin, and as I shook her hand in a warm, loving way, she gave me the “I-feel-sorry-for-you” look and said, “May God have mercy on you and send you a husband soon.”

I didn’t know whether or not to be offended, or if I should laugh it off, but then I thought, at least she had the guts to say it to my face. I was sure by then that everyone was thinking the same thing. What annoyed me most was the way that people looked at me: as an incomplete woman, neither acknowledged nor respected unless she was someone’s wife. To them, it doesn’t matter if you’re educated or not, working or not, well established or not. They don’t really care about all your life achievements, because in their opinion, getting married is the only one that counts. Anything short of this role is considered abnormal, unfulfilling, and suspect.

Some people rather see me compromise and accept any man who proposes, even if he was already married or has children from a previous marriage. Single women are expected to lower their standards to meet those of their pursuer, if there was any, and even then they are not supposed to expect what other young brides would since they should be thankful to be getting married in the first place!

A single woman in her 30s or over needs to be strong and have a high level of self confidence in order to overcome stereotypes and not buy into what others try to label her. Working women are at an advantage because we don’t have to depend on anyone for financial stability; we can afford to stay single until we meet the right person. On the other hand, women who depend on their fathers and/or brothers face a bigger problem, leading them to make the only choice they feel they have: get married, no matter what.

I think highly of myself, and I’m not about to let society make me feel different simply because I’m not someone’s – anyone’s – wife. Being a spinster is by no means a terrible fate; it is simply another lifestyle that will be socially accepted when we embrace it for what it is: a normal existence.

If and when I do get married, I insist on taking the step for the right reason, which is to be with the man I choose to live with, not because of societal pressure or out of fear. Being with someone I respect and love is far more important to me than ending up with just anyone simply because I had to run away from my fate.

When I imagine my future husband, I think of someone who could share the details of my life, laugh and cry with me, is there for me, understands, loves and appreciates who I am, someone who becomes my home and shelter, someone who talks to my mind and speaks to my heart, a man who respects the woman in me and sees me in my true colours. Until that person comes along, I will remain single. And if that person never comes, well, I’d rather live in Singletown than be miserable-ever-after in Marriageville.

What’s a spinster?
A spinster (or old maid) is a woman who has never been married, though it is usually applied only to women who are regarded as beyond the normal age for marriage, which varies between cultures. The word spinster came into common use in the West during the early 19th century when the thankless task of spinning cloth had been pushed off to unmarried women as a way to earn their keep in the home.