To Love, Honor and Betray …
I guess that you can tell that there is something wrong with this line before you go any further. What does this line remind you of? You got it right; wedding vows, however; have you ever heard the term betray line up next to love and honor? How does betrayal become a part of a vow that is supposedly a lifetime commitment between two people?
Before you start thinking that I am out of my mind, let me assure you that I am ok and you are ok as well, because this is a title of a book I was reading for the last couple of weeks for my book club. Basically; the book tells stories of 26 anonymous women, married women who have been, are into and think of having an affair.

This is an every day story and is as old as the human race. Ever since the marriage institution was created, infidelity was and still is one of the side effects that some marriages suffer from. Some of the women had terrible lives with their husbands and that’s according to their own words; I still feel that it is not fair to judge by hearing one side of the story, because this book never mentions the men’s side of the story. How would we know that these women are not just making up excuses to justify their actions?
I felt that the most honest ones were those who admitted that there was nothing wrong with their lives; they just wanted more and instead of seeking that from their husbands, they chose to go to another man and look for what they are lacking in their marriages. In almost all the stories, it was the emotional satisfaction, and in most cases, they stayed with the husband because of the kids and/or financial stability … honestly; I found that very selfish because if you are not happy with your husband, you should not stay in a marriage and make him and yourself miserable, and if you are staying because of your kids, then you would not think of hurting them by risking their well being and family balance and having an affair.
Anyway; this is not why I was inspired to write about this topic; it is actually the theory that we discussed as a part of the debate. It goes as follows: The late historian Lawrence Stone says that the median duration of marriage is the same today as it was 100 years ago, when mortality rates were much higher. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, says: “The news is not that humans are adulterous, the news is that we pair up at all. I find it remarkable that we are not more adulterous.”
So, what the theory is suggesting is that monogamy might be an unnatural state, or at best a state that is difficult to maintain, and we were asked a question if we concluded that marriages are never meant to last as long as we expect them to today?
Now, isn’t that a scary thought?

I thought that this theory was missing out on the most important factor which is the people involved in the monogamous relationship. It takes at lease one couple to prove that it is possible to maintain such a relationship but through commitment, dedication and a lot of hard work because a marriage does not sustain itself by existing; in fact; it is only the beginning of the long way that two people committed to work together.
As we were discussing that monogamy is actually natural and possible; another idea popped up and that is that humans are not naturally monogamous and not programmed to be with one partner for life. Then polygamy joined the party and we starting discussing; how can monogamy be natural if polygamy is? I mean; polygamy is based on one human (man) maintaining relationships with multiple lifetime partners (women) … so which system is natural and which is not? And how can we say that both are when they totally work against one another?

Frankly; this is confusing … on one hand; if we say that monogamy is unnatural, how can we expect to live with one person for life? In fact; how can we say that marriage is a successful institution to begin with if it is based on something that is not normal and unrealistic? If we go ahead and get married with this conviction in mind, does this make infidelity expected and comes with the marriage package? Does this mean that we should not be angry and hurt if our spouses acted on their urges and had affairs or maybe lived another life?
On the other hand; if we say that monogamy is actually normal and that is the solid base on which you build a strong marriage; then how do we explain polygamy?
Interesting, ha?
Posted on Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
Under: Books, Craziness, Days of my Life, Interesting, Islam, Men, Thoughts on my mind, Uncategorized, VIVA, Women | 14 Comments »







































